Thursday, November 11, 2010

problem is my friend =)

.too many things happen in life that Allah has granted for me.

and i keep myself dumb by ignorence and anger. i try to ignore yet they fight me back. and i lost. i lost. i lost.

my head is spinning. with the assignments in row. my exam is just around the corner. with my family's matter. especially with my own progression as a human. a real-human. a muslimah.

i might give u bad perception of islam by not being so-friendly, by being so silent with the new ones, by being so-called selfish behavior through dull emotion potrayed in my face, by easily getting mad and not so organized. That's my weaknesses, dont blame it on religious i ve faith in, but blame me. incomplete puzzle.

my fragile heart. do strong. so believe Allah's promises. ujian adalah utk mentarbiyyah jiwa agar kuat. agar utuh dan gagah. agar suatu hari nanti kita kan jadi manusia hamba yg terbilang di mata Allah. insyaAllah.

problem is my friend. as long as Allah is on my side. i dont have reason to be sad. =)

Sunday, November 07, 2010

amarah

baru tadi, ada sesuatu megusik jiwa, membibitkan amarah diri, tercuit ketidak puasan hati. hanya kerana, sesuatu tidak berlaku seperti yang diingini, totally different from expectation.

jangan marah. jangan marah. jangan marah. 3 kali penekanan Rasulullah tentang kawalan emosi terhadap amarah mungkin yg terbaik buat diri sebentar tadi. lupa tentang adanya akal. alpa tentang saranan bersabar. cuai tentang prinsip bhwa setiap manusia berbeza dan kita tidak pernah layak untuk mengawal manusia melakukan apa yg kita kehendaki. kita cuma hamba. layakkan seorang hamba menyuruh hamba yg lain? kita bukan Tu_an. tidak pernah sesekali punya kuasa itu.

beristighfar. berwudhuk. bangun. jalan. duduk. baring. jalan keluar terbaik as Islam teaches me to do whenever i get angry or out of control. it is a 'time-out'. it gives u some space to reflect yourself. to calm ur feeling. to gain your rationality. and im glad to be just silent during my 'time-out' as i wont be able to hurt people verbally. im sorry.

blh juga guling2. melukis. g masak. atau take your shower. it gives u extra time mcm sy slalu bt. mintak maaf housemate lm dlm shower. hehehehe =)

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

do'a


i found this days ago at uni musolla. it truly benefits me. and i want to share with you. can i? =)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

...

.sometimes, im thinking of slapping myself.
.im pretty stupid.
to do things i know WRONG
easily get influenced by others
hey u. r u muslim?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

feedback

selalu perlu ada feedback?
role: cikgu
perlu! Itu satu kemestian. sy perlu tahu tahap pemahaman students. bg soalan, biar mrk jawab. tahu otak mereka akan berfikir utk memjwb soalan. yup. itu perlu. wajib.
role: student
sy x suka sgt bg feedback. feedback bt sy kene berkata-kata. pdhal sy lebih sukar berfikir sendiri dan bermonolog. x kan x ckp beerti sy x berfikir? ada insan suka berckp tanpa berfikir. kan? sy x pandai ckp touching2. sy x pandai cakap best2. tapi tu x bermaksud sy x berfikir. sy x mahu pandai berckp tp x bt. as-saff: 2. itu pernah berlaku pd sy. sgt trauma.
role: muslim
sy perlu beri feedback, utk bantu manusia. berdakwah. jgn berlebihan berjanji. jgn menghrp org memuji. "wah, touching la dgr atiq cakap -_-". itu latih keikhlasan diri. 2 telinga yg mendengar kata-kata sendiri adalah milik diri. peringatan hebat bt diri. igt 'Atiqah. igt!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

cuma mahu merepek

assalamualaikum. moga keberkatan Allah sentiasa mencurah pada kamu. =)

cuma mahu merepek. atas gelombang emosi yg Allah takdirkan ini. ;D

misi bercakap dengan diri sendiri. =B. ko='Atiqah. jgn salah faham ye pembaca!

hidup ini ditakdirkan Allah untuk susah ek? susah ke? susah ke bila dah diberi rezeki? susah ke bila tiap2 4 bulan sekali dpt biasiswa beribu? susah ke nak pergi Woolies depan rumah sekangkang kera beli beras? bukannya kena turun naik langit merayu kat Allah untuk sesuap nasi. bukannya duduk kat Afrika kene makan biskut lumpur. Allah dah bg free2 pon. bukan takat rezeki makanan je. dpt g Ozy sambung blaja. cukup sifat badan. cantik paras rupa. ehem! i mean ade 1 hidung 2 mata 2 ulas bibir serta gigi. bukan wajah angelina jolie.-_-''. umm..sebab tu kadang2 lupa. lupa nak bersyukur. take things for granted. ingat2 kalau Allah x izinkan ade ke semua tu??? ade ke 'Atiqah haaaa????

a'ah. kolah yg x bersyukur tu. kejap2 nak pening kepala. kejap2 nak tido 24hours kalo ada masalah. cuba bangun. bt qiam. malas 'Atiqah. pemalas! woooo ~.~! mengharap org soothing ko nape? cuba berdikari? harap kat Allah ok! Allah. kalau Dia x izinkan x dpt ape pon ko okeh? nak angkat satu jari pon jgn harap. kelip mata pon x dapat. nape jd org mcm ni? T.T. okeh. benarkan ko g playground esok pg. tgk alam. tgk manusia. kita bljar bersyukur otehhh? ;)

dan masalah tu. tahu x? hidup ni jgn doakan org benda yg ko x nak berlaku pada ko. jgn suka judging org. jgn prasangka kat org. org bt salah. x kira BESAR mcmmn pon. bunuh org ke. lingkupkan hidup org ke. makan rasuah ke. kalau ko buka aib org tu. g kutuk dia. ko LAGI2 teruk sebenarnya. Hak judging org itu milik mutlak Allah. Jangan mengada2 nak amek hak DIA. igt Al-Hujurat:12. Allah bagi masalah tu sebab nak uji kita semua. berlapang dada wahai 'Atiqah. doakan terbaik bt mereka. yg salah moga mendpt petunjuk. yg tak bersalah dan terpaksa menanggung? moga Allah memberi balasan syurga atas kesusahan mereka di dunia ini. =)

oh. hari ade prog. kak balqis bg talk. inna akramakum indallahiatqakum. islam->iman->taqwa. Al-Baqarah:208. jahiliah. oh ni list jahiliah 'Atiqah
1).......--->ade penyelesaian tp makan masa. perlu ke jangka pendek? risau.
2)Tido berlebihan
3)Makan berlebihan
4)Gile rancangan tv
5)Suka komik merepek x de faedah
6)pemalas-procrastinate
7).....ni je yg mampu pkir utk masa ni. Nt tambah lagi. -_-
yg main points atas tu utk create inquiry-based-learning. supaya students menjd independent ye, rajin utk bertanya dan construct their own learning.hahaha. sy pelajar pendidikan. nak tau lebih lanjut ym me okehh? ;p.
x mampu nak describe mcmmn. cuma air mata je yg berkata-kata. perlu ubah! yeah ubah! ubah 'Atiqah! meh delete !@$#$%% pictures and songs. cr nasyid. tu cuma 1st step. esok pkir 2nd step. bila ade aura kene cepat bt, nt aura iman hilang. x berguna dah.

dah kata. ni merepek je. minta maaf. ;}. perlu release. blog ini sayang saya. tapi sy tak berapa sayang dia. ade masalah je baru cr die. hahahha. bye. salam. moga kamu dirahmati Allah wahai si pembaca bertuah!;p

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Tu_an

.hamba ini.
insan hina
dilayan dengan baik
diberi makan pakai
diberi ruang rehat
diberi kasih sayang
diberi hiburan menenangkan
diberi satu penghormatan
.hamba ini.
rupanya si engkar pembelot
si pengkhianat cinta
penat sudah Tu_an memberi
perginya pada yg lain
culas pada amanah
lupa pd yg berhak
demi kepuasaan tulinya
.hamba ini.
sekurangnya harus mencuba
harus sedar khilaf diri
harus merayu pd Tu_an
harus berbakti pd yang lain
harus sedar diri
.hamba ini.
diadili oleh mahkamah hamba-hamba
mahu dilontar ke lembah loji
namun
Tu_an membentak
masih mahu menerima
masih mahu memaaf
masih mahu menyayang
Tu_an sangat baik bukan?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

bertukar pemikiran

sy masih orang yg sama
masih suka tgk cartoon
"cuz it gives me the pleasure of having a high-moral life in enjoyable way"
masih suka duduk tepi batu dan tengok manusia lalu lalang
"cuz it let me study the variation of human kind"
masih setia kacau mak dan mengada2 dgnnya
"cuz it makes me loves her even more. she is sooooo patient towards me"
cuma
sekarang
sy
mahu jadi insan yg mampu membahagiakan orang lain
the pleasure
the variation
the patience
membantu insan utk bergerak ke jalan-Nya
mahu bertanggungjawab atas insan
mahu menjd seseorang
terima kasih Allah. =)
.journey memperbaiki diri sblm tiba masanya.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

keluarga

kadang-kadang bersendirian ini
sy lupa
sy sebahagian dr mereka
kadang-kadang berjauhan ini
sy leka
mereka memerlukan sy
kadang-kadang kesunyian ini
sy alpa
sy dan mereka
satu keluarga
saling membutuhkan
maka untuk apanya rasa keseorangan?
=)
.benarkan bahu ini untuk sama2 menggalas beban, yg tersayang.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

salam Syawal 1431H (1)

Usai maghrib
abah masih berteleku di situ
ruang kosong tiang seri rumah
abah kan senyap
abah kan tarik nafas panjang
.bertakbir.
menbesarkan Tuhan
memuji Illahi
abah kan duduk
sedunya kan kedengaran
menahan sesak sebak
aku hanya pemerhati
berdoa agar abah kan riang
suara abah tak sesedap mana, tak selembut indah juga
suara itu kadang-kadang marahnya menggugat sayang
suara itu yg kadang-kadang telingkahnya menyakitkan
kadang-kadangnya juga sering dibiar berlalu tanpa hirau
namun
hanya suara itu yg sy rindui
dengan tulus nafas naluri
.suara abah.
salam Syawal 1431H
.mak, abah, kakyah, kakfadil.
moga kalian sentiasa dirahmati Allah.
salam sayang Sydney

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

jalan menuju

benar aku yg sering-sering kali terbuai
dengan entah apa-apa
dengan kosong semata-mata
dengan hamparan yg birat-birat
dgn dosa bertaburan
.aku inginkan jalan itu.
kerna kulihat banyak kebaikan di dalamnya.
ada kebahagiaan di situ
ada gelak tawa di sana
ada tangis berpahala di persimpangan
ada telingkah keserasian barangkali
ada redha Illahi yg pasti
jalan menuju
.insyaAllah.
Ya Allah, pemegang hati-hati manusia. permudahkanlah niat ini. andai yg terbaik bt diri, mohon kabulkanlah.
Salam Lebaran dari Sydney

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

kami

kadang-kadang aku terlupa
betapa Allah berjanji akan memberikan yg terbaik bt hambaNya
sesuai dengan kesanggupan dan kekuatan kami
kadang-kadang aku lali
bahawa aku harus berhenti mempersoal kenapa dan mengapa
dan cuba menerima ketentuan ini dengan redha
aku insan
yg penuh keluh-kesah
aku manusia
yg acapkali mudah berputus asa
ampunkan aku Ya Allah
.ampunkan aku.
ku doakan yg terbaik bt kita semua. kau. aku. dia dan nya. kami. moga segalanya akan baik2 sahaja. =)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

somehow

somehow
it's hard to be explained
somehow
i just don't know what to be felt
somehow
it's just my fault
somehow
we need space and time
hope
.everything would be fine.
.amin.
insyaallah, harus berenang ke tepian. bersama2.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

the past

sometimes, the past hunts me
it blames me
it blows me to pieces
it makes me just another failure
and just a person with mistakes
.a lot of mistakes.
and always
wake up in the middle night with a cry
with a just stupid-dumb-dumb feeling
until i stop...and look back....
Al-Hadid: 22-23
i truly stop, decide and take another path with do'a
.hope Allah blesses me and her, always and forever.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

HIM and EVERYTHING

used to have the strong courage when things are going wrong by
"it's ok, i still have Allah"
.i lose everything but still i have HIS love.
but right now?
"soo-not grateful and sinful"
no matter how good things be, no matter how great the day i have, no matter how much money i have, no matter how pleasure my feeling is, no matter anything..
if i lose HIM, i lose EVERYTHING
.Ya Allah, forgive me.

Monday, June 14, 2010

.future.

assalamualaikum! ;)

lately, life was not so comforting for me again. normal. ujian. ujian. ujian. it's okay. im not torning myself apart. gegegege~

tgh mencari suasana baru, rumah baru, cuba bermacam segala jalan. bermesyuarah. mencari jalan terbaik buat semua pihak. tiap pihak ada hak yang perlu dipenuhi. yg perlu dijaga hati-hatinya. mohon Allah benar2 memberkati kesusahan ini. h0me!!! a house filled with love! long for it! a long for them.

dan perlahan-lahan saya mengatur kembali carta kehidupan saya. the pieces of my jigsaw puzzle. saya cuba merancang segalanya. saya mencuba, saya berusaha. saya mahu jadi insan yang berbeza. tak mahu lagi bernyawa hanya untuk berseronok, sy sudah semakin dewasa. sudah makin pendek umurnya. sy makin mahu kehidupan yang tenang dan punya hala tuju. pray that everything is possible. and the rest? i lay to Allah.

berkatilah segala keputusan yang sy ambil Ya Allah, tabahkan jiwa saya, cekalkan hati ini, tingkatkan keimanan sy. InsyaAllah. ;D

Saturday, June 05, 2010

saya

assalamualaikum. salah sejahtera ke atas kamu. moga Allah senantiasa menberkatimu.

manusia takkan lari dr rasa ketakutan. rasa keseorangan. khususnya saya. apatah lagi apabila suasana yang mengiyakan perasaan itu. kehilangan teman-teman. kesusahan yang bertimpa-timpa. lemas dalam kesunyian bersendirian mengharungi hidup.

fitrahnya manusia inginkan teman. Allah sendiri menjadikan makhluk secara berpasang-pasangan. menjadikan Hawa untuk Adam. mengubati rasa keseorangan dari jalan yg halal. mengurniakan nabi Musa temannya Harun. saling melengkapi kekurangan masing-masing agar menjadi yg terbaik. Allah menyesyorkan kita hidup berkumpulan menjadi satu bangunan yang kukuh. saling menampung andai ada yang lemah. kita takkan mampu hidup berseorangan. itu realiti. sendiri maka mati.

tapi berteman itu tak harusnya dinilai semata dr fizikal. semata dr penglihatan mata kasar. satu yg sering juga diri ini lupa: Allah peneman paling setia. Dia akan selalu ada buat kita. makin kita cuba merapati Dia, makin Dia mendambakan kita. cuma caranya berbeza. Kekasih sejati akan biarkan kita terluka demi mengajar diri untuk bangkit kembali. bukannya hanya menjanjikan ilusi kebahagian semata. tapi menghadiahkan kita realiti keindahan dr permulaan yg MUNGKIN duka.

hanya dengan mengingati Allah, hati akan tenang. peringatan buat diri.

sy hanya punya Allah dan diri. insyaAllah, seorang teman suatu hari nanti.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

i'm not belonged anywhere.

i'm not belonged anywhere
or even belong anyone
i know who i am
i know my past
i know my mistakes
i do not regret any
and i am not blaming fate
at all
life is just a path
that demands sacrifice and patience
especially a devotion to My Lord
still, i'm a human
hoping to have only a real friend
to share my tears and laugh
my worry and craziness
before i end up everything
.and continue somewhere in Hereafter.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

=p

i might not the one who you want to share your gossip with
nor even somebody you are willing to tell your sad story
i might not deserve to laugh and giggle with you
or hanging out just to observe people like you always do
but
sit beside me whenever you feel free
and smile without even showing your teeth
its more than enough
to make me terribly special thee
=b

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Eidul Milad ;)

.assalamualaikum.
moga kamu2 sentiasa diberkati Allah!
x pernah menyambut hari kelahiran dlm bulan Islam
tak pernah tahu pun
tak terperasan nak tahu
tapi my friend wishes maghrib tadi
hairan tp terima kasih ;)
5 Jamadilawal
moga jd lebih dewasa dan matang
moga sabar dgn ujian-Nya
=)
selamat hari bahagia yg ke-21 'Atiqah

Friday, April 02, 2010

air mata

"teman-teman karib pada hari itu akan saling bermusuhan antara satu sama lain, kecuali mereka yg bertakwa"
Az-Zukhruf:67
terima kasih untuk kali ini Ya Allah
kerana menyedarkan sy
kerana mengingatkan sy kembali
kepada apa yg patut sy lakukan
sy mencuba mengutip serpihan diri
yg telah sy cicirkan sepanjang perjalanan
sy melakukan apa yg sy katakan sbg salah
KAMU igtkan sy agar tidak hanya pandai berkata
KAMU igtkansy yg niat x pernah menghalalkan cara
KAMU igtkan sy ini hanya ujian utk mengembalikan sy
.mungkin ini hadiah yg terbaik drMU.
air mata

Monday, March 29, 2010

jangan.maju.ubah

jangan pandang ke belakang lagi. jangan. maju ke hadapan.
.anda mampu mengubahnya.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

things

hahahah. ada 3 benda bermain dlm kepala sy.

-tipu? x tipu? x tahu? mcm akma ckp pada sy, susah nak tahu. serahkan pada Allah sahaja. Kalau dia tipu sy, dia berdosa dgn Allah. ikut kata hati sy kalau sy percaya. serahkan segalanya. doa. dan doa.

-sy mahu tahu dimensi anda2 semua. tolong. sy merayu. ckplah dgn sy. sy mahu tahu apa yg anda2 fikirkan. maaf mungkin selama ini sy teramat mahu anda2 memahami sy. mungkin sy tak habis mencuba memahami apa yg anda2 rasakan dan apa yg anda lihat. marilah, sy terbuka. sy memohon..

-sy juga penat. sy mahu berhenti dgn semua ini. sgt mahu berhenti. hidup sy agak tunggang langgang. Sydney was never a good start for me. sy hanya mahu bergembira dgn semua rakan2 sy. belajar. gembira, dan belajar. score perfect mark. itu shj.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

my bad.

lastly, i discover my huge weakness. hahha: think too much. think things i shouldn't. think negatively.

x tahu nak overcome mcmmana. think positively. yeah! i try. try and try. dh penat2 positive, would end as negative lg. herk?? im just out of control of this.

mudah sgt terasa. mudah sgt berprasangka. padahal entah ye ntah x org lain fikir mcm 2 juga~

apehallah kamoo neh 'atiqah????

Sunday, March 21, 2010

genius=educator=teacher

"Genius is about changing something complicated into simple"
John C Maxwell
.we are the genius, we are the educator, we are the teacher.
=)

Friday, March 19, 2010

insyaAllah.

insyaAllah.

ukhwah itu bukan terjadi dlm sekelip mata. jauh lg sekadar satu atau dua pertemuan. ada turun naik. ada benci. ada ragu. tapi kasih juga bt kami faham. buat kami saling memahami. segalanya harus demi Allah. love u lillah. seorang teman pernah memberi kata2 itu buat saya. untuk saya kuat ketika sy gugah. seorang rakan yg sy amat cintai.

ada ketika ketawa, ada ketika menangis

ada ketika disuka, ada ketika dibenci

ada ketika senang, ada ketika sukar

segalanya hanya ujian dr Allah bt sy. bt semua. mohon kita saling mengingatkan.

lagikan Asiyah wanita terbaik sepanjang zaman, bersuamikan insan paling kejam. hidup penuh sengsara mungkin tanpa sebaris senyum suka tapi ingatlah pengakhirannya adalah yg terbaik. usah berduka atas ujian. sungguh. Allah lebih mengetahui.

setiap orang diuji dgn cara berbeza. dgn jalan yg berlainan. Allah hanya menguji sesuai dgn kesanggupan insan tersebut.

tiap manusia punya jalur dan warna tertentu.

jalur saya mungkin merah darah, siapa tahu jalur anda biru cerah?? =)

notes:
*thanks to syamim. thanks for the novel. insyaAllah, sy igt smpai mati. kerana betapa sy suka dan bersyukur dgn hadiah itu. peneman jiwa sy.
*thanks to kak nad. seriously, best pengisian mlm td!
*thanks to rakan. anda tahu anda siapa. i really do appreciate u, girl.
*its just a reminder for me too. for me. byk khilaf. maaf. moga yg terbaik buat kita semua.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

action speaks louder than word

.this post is dedicated for myself.
MYself
mySELF
action speaks louder than word, 'atiqah
.make sure u do before u talk.
do first
think before u do anything

Sunday, March 14, 2010

im nothing.

im nothing. not as that good. not as that clever. not as that pretty. not as that polite. not as that obedient. not as that people. everything is not me. im just nothing.

no.no.no. im not sad or frustrated or blaming myself. there's no such thing. im happy now. it's just a feeling that im good for nothing. and im glad to make that decision. hope he would get someone better. really. =)

im still here, trying my best. eventhough some people might not see it. but never mind, im just nothing to think about. im satisfied with myself. just trying to be better version of myself. =)

should be doing work 4 psycho tute tomorrow rather than thinking this crap~~

Saturday, March 13, 2010

@_@

awehe~assalamualaikum.

masalah dalaman. i can understand u. totally. i bet it is self-confidence. kata Jenny. dr.Jenny Barr okeh.huhu. tp dia mcm kawan je, otai2 pun x pe, its not Malaysia~haha.masalah pertuturan yg saya alami semakin kronik dan berkonflik. dlm tute especially, membuatkn sy semakin terdiam terpaku terpilu. T.T~ hue~apesal org x faham2 aku ckp?? nak sebut aaa ke ae for A??? A.T.I.Q okeh or attic or some kind of atticus dlm mockingbird?or attic the loteng?aha..

the first trip to city (sydney)
tika and i was enjoying our first halal pizza there which was shared due to lack of money. 3aud for a piece. 3x3=rm9..wuuu~. okeh dan sesuatu tragedi februari berlaku: seorang pakcik terlepas parrot kesayangan dia. parrot 2 x mahu balik dan melepak atas pokok yg tinggi sambil dgn sombong menyanyi2. kesian pakcik 2 mcm org gila bernyanyi berpeluh2 memujuk parrot. during watching the show, ktorg terborak2 dgn seseorang. borak2 kosong je beramah mesra dan tahulah kami dia(pakcik okeh. ktorg x niat nak usha atau ngorat pon for fyi) ex-student university of sydney tp dah keje skrg. tetba dia ckp
"guys, your english are very good. both of you. truly amazing." hek??? mase 2 nak bt style Malaysian actually 'eh2, x lah teruk je ktorg py bi neh' but as we are in Ozy now, we ended up as 'oh, really? thanks!' tp dlm hati dh mcm2~~tika was grining to me at that time~~

yesterday, we went to city again!!! as we (akma, tika and i) went there membuta tuli tanpa panduan sesiapa pun yg tahu selok belok Sydney, we took turn to ask people around about places and direction. sampailah di satu traffic light, we were totally lost. sambil pegang2 map, sy berkata kepada tika dan akma 'meh aku tengok2 org muka ramah sikit baru boleh ty~' di dlm kumpulan org yg ramai itu.wehehe..kalo kutuk depan2 pon blh, best seyh~x yah nak ngumpat2. anda ckp bhs rahsia. tetba ada pakcik dtg mendekati sy:

uncle: hi! u need help?
comel: aha~yes! hahah, how do u know?
uncle: from the way u looking the people and holding the map. hahah!
comel: cheh!! we are bla...bla..bla...
uncle: yeah? hahha..bla...bla...bla...
uncle: u said that it is the first time you come here isnt?
comel: yeah~before this we just stay in malaysia. haha. bajet ko kaya la nak berjln2 tgk negara org je? it is the 1st time we come to another country. we just arrived around 3 weeks ago.
uncle: i wonder how can u speak english as this good?
comel: hek??? errr.. biar betol pakcik neh???? im having difficulties in my tute okeh~ sambil buat muka comel dan senyum lebar-lebar.

dalam hati masa itu. pakcik! don't pulling my leg okeh! tak yah la sindir saya..sodih botul nehha! teringat miss loke ckp mase ade michael radder btol ke eja die?dtg tuh! he is just being nice to all of u. hahah.T.T..okeh self-confidence ke mmg real sy ckp omputih hampeh sangat neh???? @_@pening~


Saturday, March 06, 2010

Thursday, March 04, 2010

pujukan buat diri

kenapa hidup amat sukar? sy cuba berpositif. sgt2 mencuba. tapi segalanya bagai datang tanpa penghujung. sy sgt x nampak jalan keluar. sy sgt penat. sy sgt letih. sy sgt2 celaru.

jangan pernah fikir anda seorang shj yg susah. jangan pernah terlintas anda seorang shj yg sedih. jangan-jangan pernah cakap anda org yg malang, mengapa nasib x memihak pada anda. jangan pernah mencaci diri sendiri atas apa yg berlaku. jangan pernah menyalahkan sesiapa. jangan pernah menyibukkan diri tentang hal manusia lain andai niat anda tidak betul..jangan. jangan. jangan 'atiqah. jangan jadi seperti itu. jangan jadi insan-insan yg anda tidak suka. jangan 'atiqah. peringatan keras bt diri.

jangan jadi insan yg tak redha pada ketentuan Illahi. Allah hanya akan memberi sesuatu yg mampu digalas bukan membebani.

"apabila kamu merasa letih kerana berbuat kebaikan maka sesungguhnya keletihan itu akan hilang dan kebaikan itu akan terus kekal. Dan sekiranya kamu berseronok dgn dosa maka sesungguhnya keseronokkan itu akan hilang dan dosa dilakukan akan terus kekal..." saidina Ali r.a

"...org yg menzalimi diri sendiri ialah mereka yg tunduk dan patuh pada mereka yg tak menghormatinya, mengharapkan kemanisan pada sesuatu yg tak memberi manfaat kepadanya dan menerima pujian dprd mereka yg tidak dikenalinya" imam Syafie r.a

pujukan buat diri.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

im trying my best

i've made the decision days ago.

and i'm trying my very3 best to have my normal life back.

for right now, it looks succeed. still in progress. i'm so relief having my own life back. would never turn back. never ever. to be back in this position really demands me 110% hard work. feelings, effort, tears and emotional state that might interrupt my studies here.

i don't want to make anyone sad or frustrated. i'm belong to my family's hope, wish and expectation. i owe my friends' happiness. so, i'm running to get it back. if u hate me of any of these reasons,it means u hate me. it's just me.

i'm taking back everything. i just want my life back and as long it doesn't go in the wrong path, i ll stay with it. insya-Allah. =)

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Ya Allah.

Ya Allah,
percaturan kali ini bukan mudah untukku. bukan senang untuk ditimbang tara. bukan enteng untuk dipikul. aku bukan insan hebat untuk tersenyum atas kegusaran. jauh lagi melihat tiap titis air mata mengalir. bukan milikku yg makin kabur. legap. dan luluh.

Ya Allah,
andai dengan kesedihan ini kau anugerahkan aku kemanisan masa hadapan. maka dengan itu aku berbesar hati dengan dugaanMU. aku titipkan pengorbanan kecil, buat kebahagiaan insan-insan tersayang. mohon aku tak kan mengulang kesilapan itu. mohon aku kekal pada jalan yg betul. mohon aku tak terlalu terleka lagi.

Ya Allah,
aku hanya mampu memberi sedikit kudrat. buat harapan yg tinggal dikit. buat pegangan yg makin goyah. buat hati yg makin hilang kekuatannya. aku mohon pertolongan. Ketabahan untuk jiwa ini. jiwanya. jiwa kami semua. aku harus redha dgn takdir. mohon. mohon bantuanMU Ya Allah.

percayalah diri, yg jasad dan roh ini pasti punya penghujung yg pasti. selepas melingkuh dalam kesedihan. melewati zaman gelap ini. aku pasti bertemu ketenangan. demi doa. demi harapan.

Friday, February 26, 2010

unpredictable matter

x sangka. in my 20, i learn a lot about life. too much. real life. adult life. abundance of values. aish~im not regreting any ok, just reflecting.

im no longer playing around with my life. no longer 'atiqah that love to try anything without thinking. im not making decision just for fun anymore. i need to think bad and good, pros and cons, impact and consequences of every single decision made. how it can affect my dream, my beloved ones and myself. also people around me. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah iman saya. Kuatkanlah!

Now, im making another decision. this one? sorry but TERRIBLY HARD. TERRIBLY WORRYING. EXTREMELY TERRIBLY2 MAKING ME HAVING TERRIBLE FLU AND COLD. please, im only 20 years old, fyi. i don't know what to do. i don't know. don't know and don't know. don't know.

give me time to think about it. give me space to make the decision. as u said no time limit. let me be what i want. let me decide with free mind. let me go with the flow. let me follow the fate. and i lay to Allah for everything. tolong saya YA ALLAH!

salam maulidur Rasul semua. =)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

=)

i couldn't ask for a better FRIEND than you
with you,
i can be me
i can act silly,
without feeling self-conscious
i can cry,
without feeling embarrassed
i can tell you,
my greatest hopes and plans
with the deepest feeling of trust
i can be myself when i'm with you
because i know
you'll always accept me
just the way i am
.love u lillah.
=)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

1st usrah

nice weather in Marsfield today!!

we had our usrah at waterloo park. 4 special guests from new castle. kak mardiah is a doctor doing her intership. kak malina, kak izyan and kak balqis which are medical students.

sesi : ta'ruf cermin.

choose one of your friend to explain about your real name, nickname, D.O.B, the characteristic that she likes in you, what do you hate most and simple sentence that you won't say to her in real life. ^_^. i got 2 friends that they want me to introduce them. Kechik and Tika.

Kechik@Anis

i explain everything that i know bout her, sorry im too nervous at that time. easily forget things that actually i remember, thanks helping me, girl! =) but the last thing i want to say is 'im sorry i may not be the same person that u know 4 2 and half years ago. but believe me i still need u in my life. it's truly terrible 4 not being able hanging out like we used to and that's the only reason why i cry when i describe those things. it means so much 4 me.'

Tika@Tikot

as i said. sometimes i trust u much more than i do to myself. kerana anda adalah sahabat pertama sy yg sy tahu untuk dicintai kerana Allah. anda mengajarkan sy byk perkara yg sy jahil. anda adalah satu-satunya sahabat yg sgt2 sy x mahu lepaskan dalam hidup. the best ever thing that ever happen in my life. =)

okeh2. sile berhenti untuk jiwang. hahahahah. thanks to the sisters. all of you make me thinking again. Think on how to be wise person in thie life granted by Allah.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

janji

jangan berjanji bukan-bukan dengan aku andai kau x pasti masa datang itu bagaimana. jangan biar aku menaruh harapan untuk sesuatu setinggi bintang. kerna jatuhnya aku ke bumi nanti tak mungkin mampu kembali berdiri. sakit, perit itu mungkin hanya Tuhan yg tahu. aku tak mahu perkara yg sama berlaku pada sesiapa. maka untuk itu, lebih elok segalanya aku pendamkan dahulu.
aku bukan hipokrit. aku bukan penipu apatah lagi pendusta. aku cuma insan yang x tahu masa depan. aku mencuba tiap saat untuk ikhlas. untuk pasrah. untuk tenang. untuk menjadi yg terbaik buat diri dan orang sekeliling. maka, untuk itu. aku berdoa agar segalanya akan baik-baik saja.
aku tak mahu terhuyung hayang dalam mimpi yg tenggelam timbul. lemas, lelah. mungkin masa depan bukan seperti yg aku idamkan. maaf andai ada perlakuan mengguris hati. maaf andai ada perkataan tersalah tafsir. maaf andai aku berubah menjadi insan yg x sesiapa kenali. aku redha andai yg tak diingini adalah takdir Illahi. aku hanya mahu tabah. seperti mak. seperti kak fadil.
aku insan yg memang punya byk cela. aku hanya melakukan yg terdaya dari diri. mohon berkati aku Ya Allah.

Friday, February 19, 2010

we call this as SYDNEY!


ni je gambar yg paling best, yg lain gb Tika je lebih! lain kali kita tukar fon ok, aku pegang sony ko, ko pegang samsung aku~ baru la aci jd photographer!
in conclusion:
queen victoria building
darling harbour
paddy's market
sydney opera house
botanical garden
manly beach
chatswood
mak! x sabar nk cerita kat mak! mak nak bt video call ngan mak!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

owh samsung jet!

hoh0o! at last! dpt beli keperluan yg satu ini di kala semua manusia cohort 1 3rd cycle sudah bergembira dgn telefon bimbit serba canggih tanpa ragu kononnya percuma kerana dibeli bersama caps (postpaid plan) sejak beberapa hari yg lalu. im among the last buyers. hue~




yg x seronoknya: i forgot my passport! nak x nak kene balik ke MUV dan jalan balik ke McQ center sebab promoter 2 x blh nak daftarkan my num kalau x ada passport. dugaan3. aish3. seriously, i was terribly tired for the almost 50 minutes journey of walking. tapi dah pasrah harapan je. bus lambat sgt nak smpi, taxi? i got no money left. debit card! i need u! T_T




yg seronoknya: at last!! jeng3!!!


haha..rose black samsung jet!

p/s: bt noor azliah ahmad zainuri, sile jgn jeles dan jgn beli handphone baru nak bertanding-bertanding. pakai je htc cikai 2! hahahaha


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

positive!!

wahahaha!!! at the end. i remember 1 thing that automatically done if i damn terribly fragile.
sh0pping!haha..sebenarnya konon2 ad tujuan nk pg mall padahal i want just to walk and see people.
so, fake intention is teman nisa cari kasut.
here two things that caught my attention:
one simple thing that you never ever find in Malaysia is very old couple holding hand. sorang dah tua sgt, gigi pun dh x ada, si isteri pegang tongkat terketar2 nak jalan kat mall 2. met their old friend which was so old, alone and used the walking stick. they stopped in front of me, trying so hard to acknowledge each other, laughing and chatting happily. which then make me thinking, im so energetic, young, healthy, im able to do thing i want without limitation and i cry?? i have all the reasons to be happy and enjoy the life as they did but i failed. i keep torturing myself for the matter that should not ever be cried if i truly believe Allah. i should embrace the life as long as Allah gives me chance to do that. don't easily give up/fed up/blaming the fate or myself. if i do mistake then i need to correct it. no point of crying without making a change. LIFE IS THERE TO BE ENJOYED AS YOU DON'T GO OVER THE LIMIT.
after that, we continued to survey the most cheapest shoe that suited our financial situation at that time. hue..act i got only AUD 20 in my pocket~. We (nisa si excited tgk kasut and i) went to Priceless Shoe Shop and OMG!!! a very2 beautiful shoes yg lebih kurang macam RM128 nike ladies shoes yg sgt diidam sejak 2 thn lalu was sold only for AUD 19!!huu.. even if i convert to RM, it's still RM57~then, we took a breath deeply before decided to survey again if there were any other cheaper shoes than that. penat2 mengelilingi McQ centre utk keberapa kalinya entah, we decided to buy that shoes which have 2 colours: pink and black. and once again, OMG3!!!! the price was reduced to AUD 14! alhamdulillah! we grabbed those and jalan pulang dgn ria mengambil gambar2 di atas rumput2 panjang yg kalau kat Malaysia dh lama kene potong~huhu. so what is the moral value in this story? PATIENT IS IMPORTANT. kan Allah dah cakap bila kamu bersabar dia akan bagi yg lebih baik. so, sila bersabar, tabah dan jangan gundah gelana. jika takdirnya sy dpt kasut itu, sy akan dapat juga ia tetapi dgn lebih bermakna. dan lebih2 dihargai. betul x?
and for my dear girl, im this fragile, im sorry if i worry u. i know that you would love me because of Allah as i also love you just because of that only reason. bimbing sy andai sy melakukan kesalahan tapi jangan hukum dan pandang sy sebegitu rupa. sy syg kamu semua. kerna Allah. demi Allah.
tuhan yg berkuasa membolak-balikkan hati sy, tetapkanlah hati ini pada ketaatan terhadapMU

Monday, February 15, 2010

last

this would be the last time
.no more.
i really can't bear it
.seriously.
.im suffer because all of these.
thanks. i have no one.
NO ONE
should i smile or cry?

=))

tau x ape yg susah?
bile kita syg org, org x sayang kita
bile kita x benci org, org benci kita
bile org kata syg kita but he/she 'lies'
bile kita percaya org yg x tahu blh percaya atau x
sgt susah?
tapi sekurang2nya sy ada Allah yg sgt sy blh syg, percaya dan x kan benci sy
sy ada kak fadil, mak, abah dan kak yah juga.
apa lg yg saya mahukan?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

hye sydney!!

hari ketiga di Macquarie University. absolutely it's a new different world 4 me.

1st day was very tiring. sgt penat selepas lebih kurang 7jam penerbangan. subuh pray was performed in flight. credit 2 t MAS steward yg tlg kejut subuh! sampai shj Pamela menunggu dan bawa ke MUV. macquarie university village. cari rumah.193.1. settle down. that afternoon, we went to McQ centre which takes almost 20 minutes to walk from MUV. senior, kak Hana, is very kind, helpful and very3 understanding! thumbs up 4 her!
Malam, ada barbeque utk kami menjamu selera, seniors msk. s0oo DELICIOUS!! day ended up without energy left.

2nd day: BANGUN3!!! subuh masuk pukul 4.58am. pukul 6 dah terang sgt sebab summer. pergi NAB, buka akaun bank malangnya x blh siap hari yg sama. so we need to wait until next monday. we went to McQ center again~nak cari barang2 lagi, nak beli fon tapi x blh sebab x ada bank statement. so, we decided to buy Lebara prepaid first to call home. Afternoon, we went to library as we needed to surf internet in way to register with MSD ozy and enrol our subjects. MSD succeed but enrolment failed. Balik, masak makan malam ala kadar dgn Akma: nasi, telur dadar, sayur buk choy tiram and bilis goreng. malam? lepak dgn kak Hana, borak2, makan chocolate muffin. hoho. moh tido!

3rd day: library!!! just enrolled my subjects! take 4 subject: maths in school, language literacy & learning, grammar & meaning and edu: the psychological context. sgt susah. your schedule is on your own. sgt pening tapi a new environment for all of us. plus, everything must be done online and YOUR OWN~ haish!! terima kasih mengajar sy menjadi sgt independent McQ! jom balik! masak? hehe..

Sunday, January 24, 2010

the show.

i'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze and love is riddle
i don't know where to go, can't do it alone
i've tried and i don't know why
slow it down, make it stop or else my heart is going to pop
cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot to be something i'm not
i'm a fool out of love cause i just can't get enough
i'm just a little girl lost in the moment
i'm so scared but i don't show it
i can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
i know i've to let it go and just enjoy the show
.just enjoy the show.
=}