Sunday, June 29, 2014

male or female


this little post is going to show the immaturity of myself

but let it be

and i hope whoever read it can suspend your judgement

and just take it lightly as it's just another people's life and experience

and reflect how it can help us to make this world a better place for others.

When doctor scanned my tummy and announced it was a boy

 i was not really excited

i was just okay and chilled

but my heart was not excited and i felt guilty to this little fella

until there was a night

i had a nightmare

truly a nightmare

my boy has turned to be my only bro, let me name it Bro H

Bro H, i would not spend my energy, never and ever,
to type his bad characters and bad thingssssss he has done to mum and us

 i didnt have wonderful male figures in my family
except my father,
especially not my only brother,
nor my uncles

not my brothers-in-law
not my cousins

the percentage of meeting good man in my family sounds like 1/100

my families are filled by super woman and girls

my mum, my sisters, my grandmother even those little girlish cheeky fellas

izzah, my first niece of kakngah,
can take care of her 5 sisters and brothers,
a person who you can always rely in taking care small creatures patiently
she is the backbone of her mother's emotional support :)

mawar, my niece of kak fadil, at the age of 3, 
she already can help her mum moping, and do simple house chores.
she truly cares of my sister's feeling and her new sister :)

it was my mother who took my report cards till i finish my secondary school
it was my sister who help me doing my homework late night
it was my sister who buy me my first jeans
the list goes on

until i find my husband and his family
i find a man who likes helping me washing dishes and laundry
i find a man who always asking to buy homey things to make my work easier at home
i find a man who always asking me what i need
i find a man who is sensitive enough to remember all important dates of our marriage
i find a man who stops at every fruit stall in unknown little 'pekan' to find fruit his mother wish to
i find a man who tries to bring his mother to eat outside just to ease her burden of cooking
i find a man who never forgets to bring 'buah tangan' whenever we come back to our mothers' homes

i find a man who make sure his house is always tidy
and at the late of night, he arranges the plates and wash the laundry at the age over 70
i find a man who can take care of his 3 children when his wife is away for outstation
i find a man who is not really mind about money and keen to treat his family anything they need and want
i find a man who doesn't forget his previous children even after he split up
i find these men in my husband's families

which i could not find in my family
i should not generalize
a man is always like that
as same goes to women
 there are men always a bad and good women
there are always bad and good men

and hubby always says to me
'baguslah the first is a boy, ada orang blh jaga iqa kalau abg x da nt
syurga dia bawah kaki iqa, tanggungjawab dia pada iqa'

i always pray, whatever characters that good in you abang,
may Allah bless you and retain it until the last breath
i pray whatever good in me, Allah will retain it inside me
and make you and our children happy with me

and i pray
our children get the best from both of us
and learn from our weaknesses and mistakes

and i find out moulding someone to be a better person
will always makes this world a better place for others to live in
because we all make changes and differences to our world

no wonder
'menegakkan islam'
will always start within ourselves


Sunday, June 15, 2014

my little baby


atas segala nikmat yang Tuhan kurniakan

sesungguhnya hanya Dia yang berkuasa

menentukan segalanya di bumi ini


it is only about a month that you will be in this world

full of tribulation and challenge

mummy has always prayed for you

may whatever happen, Allah will guide you and flourish you with His-taufeeq and hidayah

I always pray,

if you do any mistake,

you will realize it as soon as possible and repent

make a u-turn to our God

He is the most forgiving

mummy will always love you

and yeah, i still don't have any name for you

'umar and umayr are not available
 as daddy's close cousins and friends all got babies with that name

fateh is also not available 
as there is a kid who is close to daddy's family has the name

what are left are only two


choose baby choose
daddy doesn't want fancy name pardon you, 
nt dia ckp salah type nama gaji lambat masuk mcm mama T.T