Saturday, April 22, 2017

35 weeks in second pregnancy

i gain quiet a number of fat 

*sigh

it is more than 15kg

i hope i can get my weight back in bf phase

baby likes to move

she is okay

my belly is quiet low

semua org cakap dh ke bawah

tapi doc macam okay je

doakanlah semua okay

bersalin mudah

tak da komplikasi

bersalin normal

mudah sikit nak jaga

doakan, doakan, doakan

:)

hubby

entahlah

i don't know why i want to write about this

maybe because i just want to remind myself how lucky i am

when things get hard.


marriage is not an easy job

it is surely a commitment

where you can't run or hide

if you want to make it work

yes, it takes two to tango,

cuz being alone in marriage, means hell.



bi is what i call him

hubby, or abi for our kids


at the times, i listen to my friends saying they are tired because of the housework

bi does the laundry in our home,
he washes and dries the clothes,

i just fold my own clothes and iron our working attire.

i am beyond grateful.

at few moments, i listen to my friends how tiring and messy the house with small kids

i chuckle as that is our home too
but bi cleans and arranges all the furniture in our house
whenever he is free, 
sometime once in a month, once in a fortnight, sometimes once in 3 months 
it is up to him

but i will just help with the little things to keep things in place
kutip mainan Zayd, kemas lantai dapur every meal, susun buku yg Zayd asyik jatuhkan, kutip serangga merapu, hapuskan semut yg dtg

hahahha
so we share the burden
i am beyond grateful for that


at some days, i listen to my friends saying their husband and the meals of the day

bi eats everything i cook
seriously, without complaining anything

it is just when the delicacy fits his appetite
he eats triple of his usual intake and say he likes it

i am beeyoooonndddd grateful for that

and being a married couple,
surely we have bits to hate each other's habit

hehehhe

he showers too long 
he likes to arrange his attire and asks me thousand times to choose the clothes
he is not the one who is always romantic 
(bur he never hurts me with his words too, kinda hard too explain this, i think because we used to be friend, so our jokes is quiet 'over' to each other)
i think his praises to me is limited (hahhah, i like to be praised)

whatever it is,
he never treats me harsh (physically and verbally)
he cares when i am tired or sad
he tries his best for me and the kids


and i would never want him to feel worst about himself
i always pray to Allah, if it is the destiny that i would meet Allah first one day,
i really want him to remarry,
i want someone to accompany him and ease him

and if there is destiny to poligamy,
i always pray, the other side is really pious and kind,
so she can make our life happy and easier
i am happy, bi is happy, she is happy
bi can be really fair
because
i hate negative emotion in my life

whatever it is,
i just don't want him to cheat on me
if anything happen,
i just pray he can stay true and honest
he can surely talk about everything with me

i am his bestfriend
he is my best buddy ever

in this relationship,
there is nothing guaranteed
we just need to work it together
and leave the rest to Allah.



Monday, February 13, 2017

25 weeks

this is my second pregnancy

it has been 25 weeks already

sorry dear baby, mummy is so busy with work and abang Zayd

so i spent less time writing bout you

but whatever it is 

you are always in my do'a and heart

i just wish and pray

my little baby is physically, emotionally, mentally perfect in nature

sempurna kejadiannya sebagai seorang manusia

fizikalnya, mentalnya, emosinya

sempurna akhlaknya sebagai muslimah nanti

yes, we had that scan that said you are a girl!

:)

abi has the name already and mummy kinda agrees to it

widad

and yeah, carrying you is less vomiting time rather than when iwas with Zayd

perhaps because this is my second pregnancy

i don't crave sweet things too much

but i eat like hell, hahahha, so i gain quiet a number of fat

i can cook, i love cook

i love coffee

i just pray you are born healthy and perfect

insyaAllah.

Friday, December 16, 2016

it's ok, it's ok.

i was once hard-hearted

then i realized

man, did not like that one

so, i decided to change myself

being hard-hearted is equal to be independent and do thing on your own virtue

so, being soft-hearted is to do things based on people's feelings

if they don't like it, you don't even talk about it, don't try to trigger it



try to follow your path

what you reckon wrong, and i kept doing it wrong and it hurt me damn hell
i avoid it

but then you said i was so dependent

'tak taulah klu i mati nnti apa jadi"



i was like...what?

do you think i am that useless?




so, that day, slowly i decided to have myself back

and today

you said i ego, tak dgr cakap, hati keras

fine

* i would never forget what you said to me once i was 5 months-pregnant
that was my turning point

second dilemma

This pregnancy is almost the same as the first

There are days I vomit non-stop

Especially when my emotion is not stable at all

There are days I enjoy eating

which is rareeeelyyyyy to happen

Whatever it is

This pregnancy makes me more fragile

selalu nak rasa sedih

jadi akan link kepada jadi emo

T.T'

Zayd kena marah teruk hari tu

it makes me miserable till today :(

O Allah, give me strength and patience


Thursday, November 10, 2016

tougher and resilient

tak perlu menangis

tak da siapa akan menghargai air mata itu

malah mungkin akan mengecilkanmu

tak perlu marah

kerna tidak berbaloi sekali perasaanmu itu

malah mungkin meremehkanmu


anak-anak
adalah anugerah
walau apa cabarannya

anak-anak
adalah jiwa dan hidup umi
demi Allah umi mencuba

being soft and dependent, were things i tried to be. 
it was hard, and unappreciated.
better be the one i used to be

be tougher be resilient

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Alhamdulillah 'Ala Kulli Haal

Alhamdulillah 'Ala Kulli Haal

katanya this phrase should be said when we receive bad news only

i like to have it whether it is good and bad

because i know 
every bad things that i perceive, there is a good thing behind it
every good things i have, surely there is a challenge i need to face

and i want my heart to know
whatever it is
it is what we call dunya
a place of challenge and tribulation

there are no eternity here

this news is the good one
surely
but it is going to be the tough one
surely
may Allah bless me

May Allah bless abi, umi and Zayd to receive new people in our family
May He provide us with energy and patience to handle and cope everything 
in good and gentle manner and attitude
:)