Ya Allah.

Ya Allah,
percaturan kali ini bukan mudah untukku. bukan senang untuk ditimbang tara. bukan enteng untuk dipikul. aku bukan insan hebat untuk tersenyum atas kegusaran. jauh lagi melihat tiap titis air mata mengalir. bukan milikku yg makin kabur. legap. dan luluh.

Ya Allah,
andai dengan kesedihan ini kau anugerahkan aku kemanisan masa hadapan. maka dengan itu aku berbesar hati dengan dugaanMU. aku titipkan pengorbanan kecil, buat kebahagiaan insan-insan tersayang. mohon aku tak kan mengulang kesilapan itu. mohon aku kekal pada jalan yg betul. mohon aku tak terlalu terleka lagi.

Ya Allah,
aku hanya mampu memberi sedikit kudrat. buat harapan yg tinggal dikit. buat pegangan yg makin goyah. buat hati yg makin hilang kekuatannya. aku mohon pertolongan. Ketabahan untuk jiwa ini. jiwanya. jiwa kami semua. aku harus redha dgn takdir. mohon. mohon bantuanMU Ya Allah.

percayalah diri, yg jasad dan roh ini pasti punya penghujung yg pasti. selepas melingkuh dalam kesedihan. melewati zaman gelap ini. aku pasti bertemu ketenangan. demi doa. demi harapan.

unpredictable matter

x sangka. in my 20, i learn a lot about life. too much. real life. adult life. abundance of values. aish~im not regreting any ok, just reflecting.

im no longer playing around with my life. no longer 'atiqah that love to try anything without thinking. im not making decision just for fun anymore. i need to think bad and good, pros and cons, impact and consequences of every single decision made. how it can affect my dream, my beloved ones and myself. also people around me. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah iman saya. Kuatkanlah!

Now, im making another decision. this one? sorry but TERRIBLY HARD. TERRIBLY WORRYING. EXTREMELY TERRIBLY2 MAKING ME HAVING TERRIBLE FLU AND COLD. please, im only 20 years old, fyi. i don't know what to do. i don't know. don't know and don't know. don't know.

give me time to think about it. give me space to make the decision. as u said no time limit. let me be what i want. let me decide with free mind. let me go with the flow. let me follow the fate. and i lay to Allah for everything. tolong saya YA ALLAH!

salam maulidur Rasul semua. =)

=)

i couldn't ask for a better FRIEND than you

with you,

i can be me

i can act silly,

without feeling self-conscious

i can cry,

without feeling embarrassed

i can tell you,

my greatest hopes and plans

with the deepest feeling of trust

i can be myself when i'm with you

because i know

you'll always accept me

just the way i am

.love u lillah.

=)

1st usrah

nice weather in Marsfield today!!

we had our usrah at waterloo park. 4 special guests from new castle. kak mardiah is a doctor doing her intership. kak malina, kak izyan and kak balqis which are medical students.

sesi : ta'ruf cermin.

choose one of your friend to explain about your real name, nickname, D.O.B, the characteristic that she likes in you, what do you hate most and simple sentence that you won't say to her in real life. ^_^. i got 2 friends that they want me to introduce them. Kechik and Tika.

Kechik@Anis

i explain everything that i know bout her, sorry im too nervous at that time. easily forget things that actually i remember, thanks helping me, girl! =) but the last thing i want to say is 'im sorry i may not be the same person that u know 4 2 and half years ago. but believe me i still need u in my life. it's truly terrible 4 not being able hanging out like we used to and that's the only reason why i cry when i describe those things. it means so much 4 me.'

Tika@Tikot

as i said. sometimes i trust u much more than i do to myself. kerana anda adalah sahabat pertama sy yg sy tahu untuk dicintai kerana Allah. anda mengajarkan sy byk perkara yg sy jahil. anda adalah satu-satunya sahabat yg sgt2 sy x mahu lepaskan dalam hidup. the best ever thing that ever happen in my life. =)

okeh2. sile berhenti untuk jiwang. hahahahah. thanks to the sisters. all of you make me thinking again. Think on how to be wise person in thie life granted by Allah.

janji

jangan berjanji bukan-bukan dengan aku andai kau x pasti masa datang itu bagaimana. jangan biar aku menaruh harapan untuk sesuatu setinggi bintang. kerna jatuhnya aku ke bumi nanti tak mungkin mampu kembali berdiri. sakit, perit itu mungkin hanya Tuhan yg tahu. aku tak mahu perkara yg sama berlaku pada sesiapa. maka untuk itu, lebih elok segalanya aku pendamkan dahulu.

aku bukan hipokrit. aku bukan penipu apatah lagi pendusta. aku cuma insan yang x tahu masa depan. aku mencuba tiap saat untuk ikhlas. untuk pasrah. untuk tenang. untuk menjadi yg terbaik buat diri dan orang sekeliling. maka, untuk itu. aku berdoa agar segalanya akan baik-baik saja.

aku tak mahu terhuyung hayang dalam mimpi yg tenggelam timbul. lemas, lelah. mungkin masa depan bukan seperti yg aku idamkan. maaf andai ada perlakuan mengguris hati. maaf andai ada perkataan tersalah tafsir. maaf andai aku berubah menjadi insan yg x sesiapa kenali. aku redha andai yg tak diingini adalah takdir Illahi. aku hanya mahu tabah. seperti mak. seperti kak fadil.

aku insan yg memang punya byk cela. aku hanya melakukan yg terdaya dari diri. mohon berkati aku Ya Allah.

we call this as SYDNEY!

ni je gambar yg paling best, yg lain gb Tika je lebih! lain kali kita tukar fon ok, aku pegang sony ko, ko pegang samsung aku~ baru la aci jd photographer!

in conclusion:

queen victoria building

darling harbour

paddy's market

sydney opera house

botanical garden

manly beach

chatswood

mak! x sabar nk cerita kat mak! mak nak bt video call ngan mak!

owh samsung jet!

hoh0o! at last! dpt beli keperluan yg satu ini di kala semua manusia cohort 1 3rd cycle sudah bergembira dgn telefon bimbit serba canggih tanpa ragu kononnya percuma kerana dibeli bersama caps (postpaid plan) sejak beberapa hari yg lalu. im among the last buyers. hue~

yg x seronoknya: i forgot my passport! nak x nak kene balik ke MUV dan jalan balik ke McQ center sebab promoter 2 x blh nak daftarkan my num kalau x ada passport. dugaan3. aish3. seriously, i was terribly tired for the almost 50 minutes journey of walking. tapi dah pasrah harapan je. bus lambat sgt nak smpi, taxi? i got no money left. debit card! i need u! T_T

yg seronoknya: at last!! jeng3!!!

haha..rose black samsung jet!

p/s: bt noor azliah ahmad zainuri, sile jgn jeles dan jgn beli handphone baru nak bertanding-bertanding. pakai je htc cikai 2! hahahaha

positive!!

wahahaha!!! at the end. i remember 1 thing that automatically done if i damn terribly fragile.

sh0pping!haha..sebenarnya konon2 ad tujuan nk pg mall padahal i want just to walk and see people.

so, fake intention is teman nisa cari kasut.

here two things that caught my attention:

one simple thing that you never ever find in Malaysia is very old couple holding hand. sorang dah tua sgt, gigi pun dh x ada, si isteri pegang tongkat terketar2 nak jalan kat mall 2. met their old friend which was so old, alone and used the walking stick. they stopped in front of me, trying so hard to acknowledge each other, laughing and chatting happily. which then make me thinking, im so energetic, young, healthy, im able to do thing i want without limitation and i cry?? i have all the reasons to be happy and enjoy the life as they did but i failed. i keep torturing myself for the matter that should not ever be cried if i truly believe Allah. i should embrace the life as long as Allah gives me chance to do that. don't easily give up/fed up/blaming the fate or myself. if i do mistake then i need to correct it. no point of crying without making a change. LIFE IS THERE TO BE ENJOYED AS YOU DON'T GO OVER THE LIMIT.

after that, we continued to survey the most cheapest shoe that suited our financial situation at that time. hue..act i got only AUD 20 in my pocket~. We (nisa si excited tgk kasut and i) went to Priceless Shoe Shop and OMG!!! a very2 beautiful shoes yg lebih kurang macam RM128 nike ladies shoes yg sgt diidam sejak 2 thn lalu was sold only for AUD 19!!huu.. even if i convert to RM, it's still RM57~then, we took a breath deeply before decided to survey again if there were any other cheaper shoes than that. penat2 mengelilingi McQ centre utk keberapa kalinya entah, we decided to buy that shoes which have 2 colours: pink and black. and once again, OMG3!!!! the price was reduced to AUD 14! alhamdulillah! we grabbed those and jalan pulang dgn ria mengambil gambar2 di atas rumput2 panjang yg kalau kat Malaysia dh lama kene potong~huhu. so what is the moral value in this story? PATIENT IS IMPORTANT. kan Allah dah cakap bila kamu bersabar dia akan bagi yg lebih baik. so, sila bersabar, tabah dan jangan gundah gelana. jika takdirnya sy dpt kasut itu, sy akan dapat juga ia tetapi dgn lebih bermakna. dan lebih2 dihargai. betul x?

and for my dear girl, im this fragile, im sorry if i worry u. i know that you would love me because of Allah as i also love you just because of that only reason. bimbing sy andai sy melakukan kesalahan tapi jangan hukum dan pandang sy sebegitu rupa. sy syg kamu semua. kerna Allah. demi Allah.

tuhan yg berkuasa membolak-balikkan hati sy, tetapkanlah hati ini pada ketaatan terhadapMU

last

this would be the last time

.no more.

i really can't bear it

.seriously.

.im suffer because all of these.

thanks. i have no one.

NO ONE

should i smile or cry?

=))

tau x ape yg susah?

bile kita syg org, org x sayang kita

bile kita x benci org, org benci kita

bile org kata syg kita but he/she 'lies'

bile kita percaya org yg x tahu blh percaya atau x

sgt susah?

tapi sekurang2nya sy ada Allah yg sgt sy blh syg, percaya dan x kan benci sy

sy ada kak fadil, mak, abah dan kak yah juga.

apa lg yg saya mahukan?

hye sydney!!

hari ketiga di Macquarie University. absolutely it's a new different world 4 me.

1st day was very tiring. sgt penat selepas lebih kurang 7jam penerbangan. subuh pray was performed in flight. credit 2 t MAS steward yg tlg kejut subuh! sampai shj Pamela menunggu dan bawa ke MUV. macquarie university village. cari rumah.193.1. settle down. that afternoon, we went to McQ centre which takes almost 20 minutes to walk from MUV. senior, kak Hana, is very kind, helpful and very3 understanding! thumbs up 4 her!
Malam, ada barbeque utk kami menjamu selera, seniors msk. s0oo DELICIOUS!! day ended up without energy left.

2nd day: BANGUN3!!! subuh masuk pukul 4.58am. pukul 6 dah terang sgt sebab summer. pergi NAB, buka akaun bank malangnya x blh siap hari yg sama. so we need to wait until next monday. we went to McQ center again~nak cari barang2 lagi, nak beli fon tapi x blh sebab x ada bank statement. so, we decided to buy Lebara prepaid first to call home. Afternoon, we went to library as we needed to surf internet in way to register with MSD ozy and enrol our subjects. MSD succeed but enrolment failed. Balik, masak makan malam ala kadar dgn Akma: nasi, telur dadar, sayur buk choy tiram and bilis goreng. malam? lepak dgn kak Hana, borak2, makan chocolate muffin. hoho. moh tido!

3rd day: library!!! just enrolled my subjects! take 4 subject: maths in school, language literacy & learning, grammar & meaning and edu: the psychological context. sgt susah. your schedule is on your own. sgt pening tapi a new environment for all of us. plus, everything must be done online and YOUR OWN~ haish!! terima kasih mengajar sy menjadi sgt independent McQ! jom balik! masak? hehe..