c0ol~~

out of that mood.

i hope it remains calm (it=my feeling)

i should have more self-c0ntrol. cuz when i let myself being hurt, i will hurt others. so, avoid it.

i need to find ways out. insya-Allah, after exam i have a solution i shall take. let's exam 1st! =)

geram seyh!

buat pertama kalinya dlm xtvt blogging yg ak bru berkecimpung neh..

nk membebel bukan2 tahap mak cik jual baju sejuk time summer kt aus (adeke?!)

okeyh, hal smlm yg bru terjd waktu ptg 2 gak mmg sgt memberi kesan bukan-bukan kat emosi nieh..ye la, x penah nye ak bt keje ***** 2, kuar merayau sengsorang tanpe pedoman hid0p. mane lah tau kene rompak ke, pukau ke, bunuh ke..yg satu lg x sanggup nk pkir..huhu. smpi ak layan bdk kecik yg ak jmp kt jeti mcm anak sdre ak, usap2 kepala, igt nk peluk skali tp mak die ade lak..hehe..
balik dh maghrib, iwa ajak g mkn lak. pdhal dh order, x pe ah, tension nye psl. No doubt nk g mkn mahal wlaupn duit tggal kecip0t je tuk smpi akhir bulan dpn..enjoy2. balik kna headache, lucky x nazak. tid0 ah dgn hrpn menggunung tomorrow everything will b nice, skip study group. zZzz..(time tdo pn ak mimpi bkn2 psl hal 2. mmg rase nk tuttt~ argh! it affects me OK!)

hari ni, bgn2. tgk cermin. eyebag sgt teruk, bengkak and bwh mate yg sgt gelap. hate3!! b positive ok. g library konon nk counter back mlm td, x mampu. that thing lingers in my mind. tutup mate biar hilang sume. nk bace pn x msk. lyn g tut0rial, dgr bende2 yg memeningkn kple, perjanjian kne bt balik. WUARGhHH!!! (pdhal small matter sgt 2 pn nk affect ke atiqah?? had0iah!) naseb baik mum ckp bende yg menyenangkan, "small matter je balik kte bt same2 ok?". thanks mum, u made my day better. smbg stdy group, present things yg patotnye simple sgt, ak dh bce berjuta2 kali, tp 'blurr' sgt. x tau nape. mase neh rase sgt putus asa terhadap diri sendiri. tolonglah..please...aku nk exam ni. at least not this moment. bukan time2 nk exam klu ye pn nk emo smpi mcm ni.

rase mmg cm nk sep0k diri sendiri. hey, dont give up ok. hal smlm biar terkubur. biarkan. thanks 2 that particular person yg sgt memahami smlm. still, i can't overcome it. duh~. sia2 je ad kwn mcm ak. hahahah.

who do u think i am??

marah? mungkin tak..kecewa? tak tahulah. tapi ak x suke dilayan sebegini.

maaf, tapi aku bukan org yg akan menurut segala kemahuan manusia lain. ada bende yg aku kata 'NO', will stay as 'NO!'. aku ada prinsip utk dipertahankan, aku ada alasan atas apa yang aku lakukan. DONT EVER JUDGE ME like that.

ITS NOT A REJECTION as u think. aku x mahu menyakitkan hati sesiapa, tapi cuba fahami aku. aku tak mahu berlaku kejam terhadap sesiapa dan jangan paksa aku terlalu berterus terang. aku tak mampu nk bagi harapan bukan-bukan. aku x nak kecewakan org macam org kecewakan aku. aku x mahu orang merasai apa yg aku lalui. because it was a total hurt.

aku andaikan manusia yg mahu aku rase bersalah atas hidup aku dan jalan yg aku pilih bukanlah org yg akan mampu membimbing aku dalam kehidupan. di dunia ini atau akhirat kelak. kerna dia bahagia melihat ak tersiksa. dia takkan mampu utk menerima aku dlm kondisi terburuk suatu hari nanti dan aku tak mahu dia tersiksa menyesali tindakan sendiri. kerna dia akan mula menyalahkan tuhan.

when u start loving people, please bear in your mind that u love them for who they are, for decisions they make, for things they love, for stand that they believe and for the world they are from. insya-Allah, that people can accept your unfixed weaknesses which is the hardest part in accepting someone in life.

cuai, aduhai.~

few days ago..
tetibe rajin lak nk menengok2 inti pati laptop ni yg dh agak berbulan x diberi perhatian krn esemen yg melampau byknye..

tetb nampak bende2 yg aku rase kurang pentingnye..tekan 'DELETE' then g recycle bin clearkan sume. tetibe! bru aku sdar aku terdelete almost everything yg i syg sgt kat laptop neh! lagu ok lg, gb pn x pe sgt..tapi coretan kehidupan selama 2 tahun lebih 2 hilang mcm 2 je! my 'dexter' and 'citA'!!! (sob2)

seriously, i was terribly sad because they potrayed everything that happened in and towards me in these 2 years. my feelings towards people around me and how my experiences revolved my perspectives in life..

tapi x pelah, dh terdelete, nk bt mcmmana lg? maybe Allah wants me to have new life, forget all the experiences that make me sad, that make me less gratefull. act, i also want to forget those memories but i couldn't. but now, as the written form of them had deleted, what if i have my new life? with cheerful and heartening new moments? be the new 'Atiqah?

OYEAH!!! =))))

dedicated 4 friends ;)

TOLONG INGATKAN AKU
(it was taken somwhere, someone's blog klu x silap tp a bit editted by me)

Tolong ingatkan aku
Andai aku terlupakan
Tuhan Dalam kelapangan dan kesibukan
Dalam kesenangan dan kesusahan

Tolong ingatkan aku
Jangan jadi anak derhaka
Mak ayah dilupakan jangan
Usah diluka hati dan perasaan

Tolong ingatkan aku
Supaya ingat pesanan guru
Bukan sekadar peringatan
Tapi tarbiyah berpanjangan

Tolong ingatkan aku
Dengarlah dan bacalah al-quran
Tika radio penuh hiburan
Tika tv penuh rancangan

Tolong ingatkan aku
Di mana Islamnya zahirku
jika aurat didedahkan disingkat,
diketat dan dijarangkan

Tolong ingatkan aku
Jadilah sahabat yang baik
Sentiasa memberi peringatan
Sentiasa menerima teguran

Tolong ingatkan aku
Kalau bercinta biar keranaNya
Dalam memilih utamakan Iman
Kelak ikatan dihindari syaitan

Tolong ingatkan aku
Tika aku dilanda badai
Allah itu sayang padaku
Hanya mahukan aku setia samping-Nya

Tolong ingatkan aku
Diri ini milik Yang Kuasa KepadaNya jiwa diserahkan
Segala-galanya Dialah tumpuan

Tolong ingatkan aku
walaupun aku masih ingat
kerana aku adalah insan yang tak sempurna
Seringkali juga aku memohon pada Allah
Kurniakanlah aku sahabat-sahabat
Yang menegur saat aku menghilang..

i LURV u all!!!!! thanks 4 being wif me. accepting t way i b & help me.

choice.

pernah x ada dlm situation neh?

it is when u have to choose. 2 choices.

the first 1: u r really madly deeply crazily like it so much!

the 2nd: suke. okaylah..ada bgs, x de pn x pe. nothing so important.

at the end, i end up by choosing the 2nd choice. am i crazy? or fool? or enough of both?
i don't know. i'm just too afraid of losing it. If it dissappears in my life in one fine day, then what my life would be? how can i gather back my pieces of heart? how can i live with smile? i rather live with the 2nd choice, at least i know that i still can stand alone if it leaves me.

i will choose the 1st..someday when i feel brave enough to face the feeling.