5th Syawal

Today is Zayd's first birthday

in Hijrah's calendar 

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah

Such a wonderful year

up and down

i mean as me, being a mother

Zayd?

such a wonderful and brilliant child

rarely get sick

satu usus dia get infected

(nothing serious, as he was active as a horse, neighhhh~)

second, demam masa tumbuh gigi

and all are His-blessing

i listened to Nouman Ali Khan's talk about child

Why did Yaakub be tested with not-so soleh children other than Yusuf and Bunyamin while Ibrahim got the most soleh piety sons, Ismail and Ishak, while Nuh got not-at-all soleh child?

the answer issss.....tengtengteng

IT IS SOLELY ALLAH'S GIFT AND BLESSING

so, what can i do to  be guaranteed such soleh and solehah children?

NOTHING actually, other that just do your best, be the best muslim and muslimah, be the best parents, do whatever you need to do as a good parent, and the rest?

LEAVE IT TO ALLAH

so if the children do not come out as what we hope, pray and expected, at least we can answer to Allah that we have done our best.

O Allah, allahumma yassir wala tua'ssir

honestly, i am still nervous with this tough job as parent

Allah, terima kasih atas pinjamanMU setahun ini, 

pinjamkan dia padaku lebih lama lagi ya Tuhan.

T.T

being a working wife and mother

i am always in doubt

whether

i am a good wife and mother

whether 

am i a good employee?

..........................................

i realize it now

i need to be superwife and supermommy

who they expect me to be

top-class worker

top-class mummy

top-class wife

where tears and dissatisfaction should not be my choice

where i should swallow it everything

and succumb to the expectation

without any argument or struggle

:)

i will always pray to Allah

to keep me in patience and supply me with a lot of energy

supply me with a lot of inner peace, Allah

please, Allah,

.i am running out of it.

my perfect dream

to read 

a novel of jody picoult

in a day

lay on bed all day long

with words dangling on my eyes

i know

it's only a dream, it can't be reality

maybe at least in next 20 years

don't worry, i don't mind

;P

being a mum

being a child

there were two things that really bothered me

first one,

mum was one of the best students of her era,

 even being given chance to continue her study in Boston

she rejected it

and 'live' with us

i always wondered why mum didnt leave us and go study abroad

so i could show off to my friends that my mum is a director of something.

-.-?

growing up, 

honestly, i still dissatisfied with the truth mum didn't continue her study.

it pissed me off as i thought she should chase her dream

second,

i ve always wondered why mum has more sickness rather than dad.

she has high cholestrol, she has high blood pressure. she has problem with her bone. she has gastric. 

and dad was only diagnosed with high blood pressure.

=.=???

just being a mum

i got the answers

all in one shot

a mother will always sacrifice everything for her child

even it means her dream, her health and her life.

she never lets anyone to look down on along
she supports angah to continue her study in Korea

she lets kakya become a doctor
she allows kak fadil to dream about her phD
she gives me the chance to study abroad.

mum sacrifices her dream
just for us to dream and achieve it.
:(

mum hardly chewed her meals properly
as she was busy protecting her little cheeky naughty children
mum breastfed us as long as she could
that the calcium in her body was deteriorating
sometimes, mum didn't eat for the whole day
being a working lady and a mum with 6 kids

my mum sacrifices her health
just for us to live healthily and benefits it.

T.T

Zayd

Alhamdulillah 

setiap benda yang ada dalam hidup

adalah nikmat

mungkin kadang saya lupa

selama 24 tahun membesar

saya selalu lupa apa yg sy punya adalah belas ihsan Allah

ZAYD

adalah nikmat

seringkali saat saya tgk dia

sy teringat, ni cuma pinjaman

jadi Allah pinjamkan dia sedikit lama utk sy

seringkali 

sy urut tangan dan kaki dia

sy usap dahi dan kepalanya

sy geletek perutnya

sy tahu semua ini belas ihsan nya

cukup sifatnya Zayd

sihat walafiatnya Zayd

cergasnya Zayd

sempurnanya organ-organ Zayd

semua ni adalah belas ihsanNya

sebab kalau Dia mahu yang sebaliknya

'kun fayakun'

dan jika Dia mahu Zayd pergi dulu dari saya

maka nanti sy kena redha

jika nanti abang pergi dulu dari saya

saya kena tabah jaga Zayd

maka sekarang adalah masanya

masa yang ada utk lakukan yang terbaik

walau penat dan lelah

walau amarah dan cungap

Al.An'am: 60

"Dan Dialah yang menidurkan kamu pada malam hari dan Dia mengetahui apa yang kamu kerjakan pada siang hari. Kemudian Dia membangunkan kamu pada siang hari untuk disempurnakan umurmu yang telah ditetapkan. Kemudian kepadaNya tempat kamu kembali, lalu Dia memberitahukan kepadamu apa yang kamu kerjakan."

alhamdulillahhhh

alhamdulillah

atas segaaaaaaalaaaaaa nikmat yg diberikann

:) 

chapter 1.

pengalaman mengandung dalam minit terakhir

i can't remember it anymore.

i cuma igt petang tu, rs bosan amat duk rumah

so ask hubby jom g jalan kat kompleks sukan

hubby on, blh practise breathing katanya

so, we had about 2 rounds walking on the track

sambil borak macam2. hehehe.

then duduk sambil hubby bt fitness i did my breathing technique

then hubby ajak g cr air zamzam

nak bt air selusuh dia bacakan sendiri

tapi x dpt, so we went back home

chapter 2.

delivering

hahha, balik rumah nak mandi sebab dh nak maghrib

ohh okay, turun darah

so told hubby bout it, hubby told my mil, hubby g mandi solat

i mandi siap2, then had milo and a biscuit

then we called dr.Rosy

Dr.Rosy suh dtg kpj g check kt tgkat dua.

pergi sana with my mil 

jumpa nurse, nurse check, ckp dh bukaan 2 cm

so while waited for Dr,Rosy, i asked hubby utk anta mil blik dlu kesian

mil and hubby and me x dinner lagi

so hubby bancuh milk for me and asked me to eat kurma jap

doc asked hubby to buy some food for me and i requested nasi paprik

bhahahha sempat lagi tu.

berkelilinglah hubby mencr nasi paprik

i plak g layan sakit yg makin mendtg tp okay lagi

x igt kul bpe tp dh lewat jgak bru hubby dpt ns paprik

he tried to fed me

tp sakit tu dh makin kerap

so bila tgh okay

'cepat2 makan sesuap dua x sakit ni'

dalam hati kalau ad kicap best gak ns paprik ni

bhahaha

okay then dr.rosy smpi dlm pkul 10

pecahkan air ketuban

bermulalah kesakitan nikmat Allah

sampai tahap i asyk tanya nurse

'mmg sakit dia mcm ni eh?'

rsnya 2 3 kali gak asyk ty, mesti nurse tu fed up ;p

hubby sgt concern and urut my back sebab sakit pinggang dia..

Allah je yg tauuuuu

then, i mcm dh lalok sakit sgt,

nurse wanted to give me injection yg blh bt i tdo jap

x hilang sakit tu pun okay~

i mmg lalok, tp blh sedar sakit tu, dh blh intip hubby pgang fon. ;)

then at a moment i ckp kt nurse, i x tahan, 

sakit sgt, blh teran x?

dalam hati, i just want to end it

then nurse seluk, it was 8 cm

wahhhhh

alhamdulillah

then startlah 

diaorg psg side kaki kat atas tu

ask me to hold tepi katil

walaupun hubby siap offer tgn dia lg

tp i dh sakit sgt, and i dont want to hurt him

thennn

i try la teran mcm kt utube yg i dh lama tgk tu

hahha

nurse ckp good dh nampak rmbut, 

but i a bit failed nak tahan bpe lama

sebab mcm x tahu and short breath

maybe kalau nurse tu ckp tarik nafas teran kira sampai 10 baru lepas*

i blh faham kot, hahha x pelah hal dh lepas

tp i kna potong 

T.T

baru berangan x nak ptong

hubby ckp maybe sbnrnya blh kalau i blh tahan breath lama lagi cuz mmg dh nak kluar sgt

but maybe doc worry baby akan masuk blik

so she cut me

heheee

alhamdulillah

he was born

2.70kg

alhamdulillah

segala pujian bagi Allah

2.41 pagi

i am blessed

to have a wonderful hubby, patiently encouraged me throughout the experience, MIL yg sntiasa doakan i,

my mum yg x ptus2 bg msg semangat, i am blessed by His-rahmat.

suasana bersalin yg tiptop, my aurat yg terjaga dr lelaki, kesakitan yang tidak terlalu lama (10mlm-2.41pg)

nikmat Allah yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?

sebenarnya i dh x igt sakit bersalin tu, cuma i tau sakit sgt, sakit bdn pas bersalin, sakit tmpat jahit, sakit jga anak sakit, sakit mental dan emosi

:)

mungkin sebab tu rahsia Allah bg kt wanita, to forget, so they can bear more ummah

:)

okay maybe another 4 years T.T

male or female

perhaps

this little post is going to show the immaturity of myself

but let it be

and i hope whoever read it can suspend your judgement

and just take it lightly as it's just another people's life and experience

and reflect how it can help us to make this world a better place for others.

When doctor scanned my tummy and announced it was a boy

 i was not really excited

i was just okay and chilled

but my heart was not excited and i felt guilty to this little fella

until there was a night

i had a nightmare

truly a nightmare

my boy has turned to be my only bro, let me name it Bro H

Bro H, i would not spend my energy, never and ever,

to type his bad characters and bad thingssssss he has done to mum and us

 i didnt have wonderful male figures in my family

except my father,

especially not my only brother,

nor my uncles

not my brothers-in-law

not my cousins

the percentage of meeting good man in my family sounds like 1/100

my families are filled by super woman and girls

my mum, my sisters, my grandmother even those little girlish cheeky fellas

izzah, my first niece of kakngah,

can take care of her 5 sisters and brothers,

a person who you can always rely in taking care small creatures patiently

she is the backbone of her mother's emotional support :)

mawar, my niece of kak fadil, at the age of 3, 

she already can help her mum moping, and do simple house chores.

she truly cares of my sister's feeling and her new sister :)

it was my mother who took my report cards till i finish my secondary school

it was my sister who help me doing my homework late night

it was my sister who buy me my first jeans

the list goes on

until i find my husband and his family

i find a man who likes helping me washing dishes and laundry

i find a man who always asking to buy homey things to make my work easier at home

i find a man who always asking me what i need

i find a man who is sensitive enough to remember all important dates of our marriage

i find a man who stops at every fruit stall in unknown little 'pekan' to find fruit his mother wish to

i find a man who tries to bring his mother to eat outside just to ease her burden of cooking

i find a man who never forgets to bring 'buah tangan' whenever we come back to our mothers' homes

i find a man who make sure his house is always tidy

and at the late of night, he arranges the plates and wash the laundry at the age over 70

i find a man who can take care of his 3 children when his wife is away for outstation

i find a man who is not really mind about money and keen to treat his family anything they need and want

i find a man who doesn't forget his previous children even after he split up

i find these men in my husband's families

which i could not find in my family

i should not generalize

a man is always like that

as same goes to women

 there are men always a bad and good women

there are always bad and good men

and hubby always says to me

'baguslah the first is a boy, ada orang blh jaga iqa kalau abg x da nt

syurga dia bawah kaki iqa, tanggungjawab dia pada iqa'

T.T

i always pray, whatever characters that good in you abang,

may Allah bless you and retain it until the last breath

and 

i pray whatever good in me, Allah will retain it inside me

and make you and our children happy with me

and i pray

our children get the best from both of us

and learn from our weaknesses and mistakes

and i find out moulding someone to be a better person

will always makes this world a better place for others to live in

because we all make changes and differences to our world

no wonder

'menegakkan islam'

will always start within ourselves

#spreadthepositivevibration