angan2 mak jenin : =p!

bc bl0g sese0rg td, it grabs my attention. teringat 3 bende yang aku memang nak sangat buat dalam kehidupan ni. tapi akhirnya, aku sendiri juga yang menguburkan cita2 sendiri. adeh~

x de mase. peluang x dtg. kurang kesedaran. kekangan masalah. ntah ape2 lglah alasan aku. hendak seribu daya x hendak seribu dalih.

1) aku teringin nk mas0k debat bm cuz 4 english i dun hav dat confidence yet. i think my bm quiet impressive cuz

ma rumate penah kate (tambh tolak kebenarannye) "konye bm kan seyes patriotik dan baku (which means hebat..kot). aku rase ko salah msk course la..". mekasih rumate, sy anggapnye sbgai pujian. =p

sum0ne ever say 2 my fren:
"x sangka ade gak bdk yg berbakat kt cohort ko ni lg ek?" <--refer 2 me cuz bru pas jd mc kt institut assembly. (name dirhsiekn cuz ak tak0t die x igt die kte g2...nt malu..uhu~)

ade gak kwn aku yg rajin ajak aku g mas0k kelab debat di0rg, tp cuz mase 2 ak ade masalh2 yg x dpt dielakkan s0 lame2..x menjadi. thanks 4 t invitati0n n0ni!!

2) damn hell~(ni bukan mencarut, hanya expressi n0rmal dlm eng yg bermaksud keterlaluan). kelas melukis. i dream of it since i was a kid. skrg dh over bes0...

im quite talented in it, i l0ve art s0 much! maybe i am born wif dis talent--to draw.

mase kecik2, my mum always promised 2 sent me 2 learn drawing c0mics or p0tret but at t end x dpt gak..(ade bende yg x dpt dielakkan kt dunia ni)

at this stage, i wish i can enter one or s0me drawing class when im in sydney nex year. really h0pe s0!!

3) penulisan kreatif. cerpen or any kind of dis field.

when i was in my girl's sch0ol in f.1 my bm teacher had told and ch0se me 2 enter pertandingan menulis esei peringkat daerah. she was needed 2 ch0ose 1 representative from our scho0l..uhu..mesti die trust my ability so much until she said 'konfem blh menang' but when i m0ved from dat sch0ol at dat crucial time she was frustrated wif me.really. my frens told me she was asking 4 me after i moved. (s0 s0rry teacher!)..i was s0o h0me sick at dat time cuz of dat *tutt* senior yg asek membuli je kejenyer!

i juz send most of my cerpens to sch0ol's magazines...heish. my mum said i shud b more brave and hav high self confidence but it was me at th0se time.



terlalu byk lagi peristiwa2 yang membuat aku percaya aku ada bakat dalam bidang2 yang berkenaan, bezanya tika 2, i got no self-esteem dat say i shud try n0 matter wat. i was t0o afraid of l0sing. making me juz an ordinary cheap person.

may be it is t time of changing. a turning p0int. i need 2 dare 2 fail. i need 2 take risk. i shudn be a l0ser 'atiqah. it is time 2 change b4 anything becomes t0o late. LATE.

p/s: this colour is indicator of my private speech or monolog..=}

'change of heart'

change of heart. 'pe0ple r never who u think they r.'

reading to this, i get 3 beneficial values in facing my 'rusuhan hati':

1) pe0ple r changing. leave t expectation of whom themselves. let ur heart d0ing her fl0w. cuz i dun want 2 b hurt esp by their w0rds.

2) n0 matter how people perceive u and u really want them 2 get wat they ask 4. believe this. dun ever give up in d0ing g0od deeds. Allah sees me and HE wud never turn me d0wn during t Hereafter.

3) sumtimes, beralah x bererti kalah. i juz want t best for us. x berbaloi berpatah arang kalau itu membawa keburukan utk aku dan org lain.

'Dan sesungguhnya Dialah yg menjadikan org tertawa dan menangis'-An-Najm:43

--> sedeyh sgt hari ni, x sangka i hav dat kind of fren. sanggup ckp th0se words 2 me. terngiang-ngiang. aiseyh~!!

when guilty bec0me anger. shuD i?

adeh, t 1st it was my fault. undeniable. say wrong thing at t wrong timing.

but i tried many way 2 ap0l0gize. seri0usly i was really frustrated of myself.

it was my fault. again. i shudn say it. s0rry.

t0day: i am really mad 2 t pers0n. he/she is s0 ann0ying. he/she makes such a face in all classes. he/she d0esnt speak/talk to me. act, it is ok if he/she juz d0es it 2 me. i accept dat but pity 2 other cuz he/she keeps continue it to any0ne in class. Aiseh!!!

sab0r 'atiq!! ari ni ko puase..jgn marah! alhamdulillah. naseb baik ade penghalang kemarahan. =)

this is t 2nd sem::

this is my second sem.

nice. c0ol. l0ts of assignments. hehe

actually, lame dh teringin nk ade blog tapi keadaan dan access 2 internet yg x menggalakkan membantutkan hasrat 2. Buat juga tapi mcm x de. x update. ntah ape2. x ilmiah. merepek.

jadi. dengan hasrat jitu yang padu. cube nk membt pembaharuan. perlahan2. insya-ALLAH. moge2 istiqamah!

d0akan yang terbaik buat sem ni. AMIN!!