being a mum

being a child

there were two things that really bothered me

first one,

mum was one of the best students of her era,

 even being given chance to continue her study in Boston

she rejected it

and 'live' with us

i always wondered why mum didnt leave us and go study abroad

so i could show off to my friends that my mum is a director of something.

-.-?

growing up, 

honestly, i still dissatisfied with the truth mum didn't continue her study.

it pissed me off as i thought she should chase her dream

second,

i ve always wondered why mum has more sickness rather than dad.

she has high cholestrol, she has high blood pressure. she has problem with her bone. she has gastric. 

and dad was only diagnosed with high blood pressure.

=.=???

just being a mum

i got the answers

all in one shot

a mother will always sacrifice everything for her child

even it means her dream, her health and her life.

she never lets anyone to look down on along
she supports angah to continue her study in Korea

she lets kakya become a doctor
she allows kak fadil to dream about her phD
she gives me the chance to study abroad.

mum sacrifices her dream
just for us to dream and achieve it.
:(

mum hardly chewed her meals properly
as she was busy protecting her little cheeky naughty children
mum breastfed us as long as she could
that the calcium in her body was deteriorating
sometimes, mum didn't eat for the whole day
being a working lady and a mum with 6 kids

my mum sacrifices her health
just for us to live healthily and benefits it.

T.T

Zayd

Alhamdulillah 

setiap benda yang ada dalam hidup

adalah nikmat

mungkin kadang saya lupa

selama 24 tahun membesar

saya selalu lupa apa yg sy punya adalah belas ihsan Allah

ZAYD

adalah nikmat

seringkali saat saya tgk dia

sy teringat, ni cuma pinjaman

jadi Allah pinjamkan dia sedikit lama utk sy

seringkali 

sy urut tangan dan kaki dia

sy usap dahi dan kepalanya

sy geletek perutnya

sy tahu semua ini belas ihsan nya

cukup sifatnya Zayd

sihat walafiatnya Zayd

cergasnya Zayd

sempurnanya organ-organ Zayd

semua ni adalah belas ihsanNya

sebab kalau Dia mahu yang sebaliknya

'kun fayakun'

dan jika Dia mahu Zayd pergi dulu dari saya

maka nanti sy kena redha

jika nanti abang pergi dulu dari saya

saya kena tabah jaga Zayd

maka sekarang adalah masanya

masa yang ada utk lakukan yang terbaik

walau penat dan lelah

walau amarah dan cungap

Al.An'am: 60

"Dan Dialah yang menidurkan kamu pada malam hari dan Dia mengetahui apa yang kamu kerjakan pada siang hari. Kemudian Dia membangunkan kamu pada siang hari untuk disempurnakan umurmu yang telah ditetapkan. Kemudian kepadaNya tempat kamu kembali, lalu Dia memberitahukan kepadamu apa yang kamu kerjakan."

alhamdulillahhhh

alhamdulillah

atas segaaaaaaalaaaaaa nikmat yg diberikann

:) 

chapter 1.

pengalaman mengandung dalam minit terakhir

i can't remember it anymore.

i cuma igt petang tu, rs bosan amat duk rumah

so ask hubby jom g jalan kat kompleks sukan

hubby on, blh practise breathing katanya

so, we had about 2 rounds walking on the track

sambil borak macam2. hehehe.

then duduk sambil hubby bt fitness i did my breathing technique

then hubby ajak g cr air zamzam

nak bt air selusuh dia bacakan sendiri

tapi x dpt, so we went back home

chapter 2.

delivering

hahha, balik rumah nak mandi sebab dh nak maghrib

ohh okay, turun darah

so told hubby bout it, hubby told my mil, hubby g mandi solat

i mandi siap2, then had milo and a biscuit

then we called dr.Rosy

Dr.Rosy suh dtg kpj g check kt tgkat dua.

pergi sana with my mil 

jumpa nurse, nurse check, ckp dh bukaan 2 cm

so while waited for Dr,Rosy, i asked hubby utk anta mil blik dlu kesian

mil and hubby and me x dinner lagi

so hubby bancuh milk for me and asked me to eat kurma jap

doc asked hubby to buy some food for me and i requested nasi paprik

bhahahha sempat lagi tu.

berkelilinglah hubby mencr nasi paprik

i plak g layan sakit yg makin mendtg tp okay lagi

x igt kul bpe tp dh lewat jgak bru hubby dpt ns paprik

he tried to fed me

tp sakit tu dh makin kerap

so bila tgh okay

'cepat2 makan sesuap dua x sakit ni'

dalam hati kalau ad kicap best gak ns paprik ni

bhahaha

okay then dr.rosy smpi dlm pkul 10

pecahkan air ketuban

bermulalah kesakitan nikmat Allah

sampai tahap i asyk tanya nurse

'mmg sakit dia mcm ni eh?'

rsnya 2 3 kali gak asyk ty, mesti nurse tu fed up ;p

hubby sgt concern and urut my back sebab sakit pinggang dia..

Allah je yg tauuuuu

then, i mcm dh lalok sakit sgt,

nurse wanted to give me injection yg blh bt i tdo jap

x hilang sakit tu pun okay~

i mmg lalok, tp blh sedar sakit tu, dh blh intip hubby pgang fon. ;)

then at a moment i ckp kt nurse, i x tahan, 

sakit sgt, blh teran x?

dalam hati, i just want to end it

then nurse seluk, it was 8 cm

wahhhhh

alhamdulillah

then startlah 

diaorg psg side kaki kat atas tu

ask me to hold tepi katil

walaupun hubby siap offer tgn dia lg

tp i dh sakit sgt, and i dont want to hurt him

thennn

i try la teran mcm kt utube yg i dh lama tgk tu

hahha

nurse ckp good dh nampak rmbut, 

but i a bit failed nak tahan bpe lama

sebab mcm x tahu and short breath

maybe kalau nurse tu ckp tarik nafas teran kira sampai 10 baru lepas*

i blh faham kot, hahha x pelah hal dh lepas

tp i kna potong 

T.T

baru berangan x nak ptong

hubby ckp maybe sbnrnya blh kalau i blh tahan breath lama lagi cuz mmg dh nak kluar sgt

but maybe doc worry baby akan masuk blik

so she cut me

heheee

alhamdulillah

he was born

2.70kg

alhamdulillah

segala pujian bagi Allah

2.41 pagi

i am blessed

to have a wonderful hubby, patiently encouraged me throughout the experience, MIL yg sntiasa doakan i,

my mum yg x ptus2 bg msg semangat, i am blessed by His-rahmat.

suasana bersalin yg tiptop, my aurat yg terjaga dr lelaki, kesakitan yang tidak terlalu lama (10mlm-2.41pg)

nikmat Allah yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?

sebenarnya i dh x igt sakit bersalin tu, cuma i tau sakit sgt, sakit bdn pas bersalin, sakit tmpat jahit, sakit jga anak sakit, sakit mental dan emosi

:)

mungkin sebab tu rahsia Allah bg kt wanita, to forget, so they can bear more ummah

:)

okay maybe another 4 years T.T

male or female

perhaps

this little post is going to show the immaturity of myself

but let it be

and i hope whoever read it can suspend your judgement

and just take it lightly as it's just another people's life and experience

and reflect how it can help us to make this world a better place for others.

When doctor scanned my tummy and announced it was a boy

 i was not really excited

i was just okay and chilled

but my heart was not excited and i felt guilty to this little fella

until there was a night

i had a nightmare

truly a nightmare

my boy has turned to be my only bro, let me name it Bro H

Bro H, i would not spend my energy, never and ever,

to type his bad characters and bad thingssssss he has done to mum and us

 i didnt have wonderful male figures in my family

except my father,

especially not my only brother,

nor my uncles

not my brothers-in-law

not my cousins

the percentage of meeting good man in my family sounds like 1/100

my families are filled by super woman and girls

my mum, my sisters, my grandmother even those little girlish cheeky fellas

izzah, my first niece of kakngah,

can take care of her 5 sisters and brothers,

a person who you can always rely in taking care small creatures patiently

she is the backbone of her mother's emotional support :)

mawar, my niece of kak fadil, at the age of 3, 

she already can help her mum moping, and do simple house chores.

she truly cares of my sister's feeling and her new sister :)

it was my mother who took my report cards till i finish my secondary school

it was my sister who help me doing my homework late night

it was my sister who buy me my first jeans

the list goes on

until i find my husband and his family

i find a man who likes helping me washing dishes and laundry

i find a man who always asking to buy homey things to make my work easier at home

i find a man who always asking me what i need

i find a man who is sensitive enough to remember all important dates of our marriage

i find a man who stops at every fruit stall in unknown little 'pekan' to find fruit his mother wish to

i find a man who tries to bring his mother to eat outside just to ease her burden of cooking

i find a man who never forgets to bring 'buah tangan' whenever we come back to our mothers' homes

i find a man who make sure his house is always tidy

and at the late of night, he arranges the plates and wash the laundry at the age over 70

i find a man who can take care of his 3 children when his wife is away for outstation

i find a man who is not really mind about money and keen to treat his family anything they need and want

i find a man who doesn't forget his previous children even after he split up

i find these men in my husband's families

which i could not find in my family

i should not generalize

a man is always like that

as same goes to women

 there are men always a bad and good women

there are always bad and good men

and hubby always says to me

'baguslah the first is a boy, ada orang blh jaga iqa kalau abg x da nt

syurga dia bawah kaki iqa, tanggungjawab dia pada iqa'

T.T

i always pray, whatever characters that good in you abang,

may Allah bless you and retain it until the last breath

and 

i pray whatever good in me, Allah will retain it inside me

and make you and our children happy with me

and i pray

our children get the best from both of us

and learn from our weaknesses and mistakes

and i find out moulding someone to be a better person

will always makes this world a better place for others to live in

because we all make changes and differences to our world

no wonder

'menegakkan islam'

will always start within ourselves

#spreadthepositivevibration

my little baby

Alhamdulillah

atas segala nikmat yang Tuhan kurniakan

sesungguhnya hanya Dia yang berkuasa

menentukan segalanya di bumi ini

baby

it is only about a month that you will be in this world

full of tribulation and challenge

mummy has always prayed for you

may whatever happen, Allah will guide you and flourish you with His-taufeeq and hidayah

I always pray,

if you do any mistake,

you will realize it as soon as possible and repent

make a u-turn to our God

He is the most forgiving

mummy will always love you

and yeah, i still don't have any name for you

'umar and umayr are not available

 as daddy's close cousins and friends all got babies with that name

fateh is also not available 

as there is a kid who is close to daddy's family has the name

what are left are only two

zayd

or 

yasir

choose baby choose

daddy doesn't want fancy name pardon you, 

nt dia ckp salah type nama gaji lambat masuk mcm mama T.T

little things

I will write whatever things I remember about my pregnancy

so bear with me

i have no time to write in my diary

so i ll just pour everything in here

so one day I can tell this little caliph 

bout his little journey in my tummy

:D

i hate honey and dates when i'm not pregnant

i coudn't bear the taste and smell

yet i can consume all of that when i pregnant u

it makes me cry

how sweet Allah has granted you to 'force' me to practise his-sunnah

:')

i love sleeping

just ask my mates, aunt syamim and aunt jen, who once were my roomate

how i can sleep whenever i feel sleepy

yet with you

you wakes me up at 3 or 4 am

asking me to do tahajjud or just having thought of any doa

you make me better abid

to My Lord

and i pray the same for you little boy

may you be the best abid for our Lord

:')

i know i am the one who easily loses my patience

whenever i see little fellas in my class aren't listening to me

you makes me stop and think

what if one day 

Allah tests me by granting me 'you' who behaves just like that

um

you make me 'husnuzon'

and i asks Allah to forgive me 

for any bad intention i have inside my heart

i advise that kid better

and that is one of good manner

and it is you

who help me to do it

:')

and i realize

indeed 

anak adalah ujian

betul

.challenge.

it is meant to challenge us

to improve ourselves to be better

alhamdulillah ala kullihal

baby, i still vomit till now

c u in next 3 months

abi and ummi haven't bought you any clothes yet 

T.T

the baby

baby is growing bigger

alhamdulillah

also healthier

abang says that he has upper lip like me

donald duckling (that was what they called me)

and nose bridge like me

which i know x mancung mcm abg

kekekke

but hey, he is my boyyy

kicking very hard

yeah, i'm 25 weeks pregnant

but the doc in Columbia says

baby looks like 27 weeks

bigger?

i might deliver early

or else, i eat too much T.T

should go for healthy diet, babyyyyy!

;p

:')

the lyrics just speak everything inside my heart

 

the experience

they*blogs that i read ;p say that i  should write down my experience for being a first-timer 

but honestly

i ve no time

rph, buku budak (33x5)*ni yang tiap muka surat salah eja tarikh-sehari kalau aku ade 2 mukasurat, ko darab je la sendiri, sibuk sgt tulis data murid yg aku tak faham knapa kena tulis byk kali x blh fotos je tiap kali orang yg berlainan minta =.=, plus baaanyaaak typing lols ape2 yg 'dia' nak lah, panitia thingy, plus key-in all the data in the system.

actually aku mmg suka mengajar

i love kids, i love educating them, 

about the rph and buku budak, no sweat.

great people like hasan al-banna and abdul majid al-zindani starts their 'work' as school teacher

u know how powerful it is

but i hate 'birokrasi terlebih', non-stop documentation, filing, nak puaskan hati 'org atas'

if you are not in so-called education field, stop your non-sense comment.

get into it, work inside it, just after that, comment and i will respect u.

lol. c. i cant stop talking about school and our edu system.

okehhhhh. back to the business.

dah masuk bulan ke-3

um. the feeling? i try to be patient

whenever i vomit between classes and inside classes, afternoon and evening

whenever i hump my lullaby cry in my sleep just to make myself feeling better

whenever i wake up in the middle of night, having my gastric without any reason

i keep remind myself, 

at last my morning sickness is wayyyyy easier than the mums who experience more painful sickness

mums in Syria, Palestin and Mesir

mums in poverty

mums who has nobody

their situation is worse than me

plus, which rahmat that i should deny?

when Allah gives me what i want most

the miracle and penghapus dosa

for every pain that i feel, Allah had granted me with cleaner-sin-chart.

for every pain that i feel, Allah has granted me rewards that no body can give me

for every pain that i feel, it is equal to jihad

so, be strong bebeh, umi is here for you.

whatever it is :)

jangan manja2 tau, jgn bt somersault nt tau. just be there, enjoy your life, berenang elok2 dlm tu, k bebeh?

:D