labah-labah

taken from http://aubiebear620.deviantart.com/#/d1jwt04

(bukan gambar sebenar)

last night, before we started performing maghrib prayer, i saw this little spider, tried to climb up the wall. So i let it be as i though it will surely succeed in doing that. Yeah, u know that, it is a spider.

but, after a while, i realized that it couldn't make it. i don't know whether it is hurt or just special or being different species of spider whom can't climb, but what really captures me is its effort. plain effort.

no matter how many times it tried, as far as it could go was only 1/6 of wall's height. and from maghrib prayers until we finished the tarawikh prayer, it was still there. trying. trying and trying. i bet it is more than 1000 tries that Thomas Edison could afford to bear. and there was not even a glimpse of success. but there it was. no giving up.

then, i just start thinking of my mistakes and sins that i did. everytime i tried to repent, i found myself turning to the mistake again, and again. until, at that moment, i felt like giving up to repent. what for doing it? if i keep doing the same sin, Allah must be extremely fed up with me. HE must hate me so much, i can do nothing. i had tried. but then i figure it out. from this little spider.

"Katakanlah "wahai hamba-hamba-Ku yg melampau batas terhadap diri sendiri! Janganlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa semuanya. Sungguh, Dialah Yang Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang."

Az-Zumar:53

Astaghfirullah Hal-'azim. May Allah forgive me. May this Ramadhan is a head-start for me. a new life.