what will i pray for?

sometimes, i am in the middle of moment,

where i can't think of what to ask from Allah

good job? calm life? money? family? health?

i seriously could not think of any, as what i asked before, 

which i think was the best for me, 

did not seem one

inability to decide and choose

as a human, that is my restriction

I ask Allah to give the best for me

whatever it is, whenever it should

"He knows all that is before them and all that is behind them, but they

 cannot compass it with their knowledge"

Taha:110

i should not ask Allah to lighten my burden yet to pray Him to grant me stronger iman

:)

i'm going to school

hey, 

next monday, i'm going to school

i admit i am afraid, a little nervous

i heard many stories and advises from seniors and lecturers

it sounds scary

pfttttt

Ya Rabbi, show me some compassion and help me along the way 

to be honest,

i am not really good in this language though, i don't think i can bare with the expectation that you set for me, i am sorry if i am not up to what you want.

but please, listen to me and believe me that i am doing my very best, with all strength and passion i have inside me, to educate you, my students, to help you becoming better human being not only false-alarm grammar machine.

if i do mistake, correct me. if you do mistake, i help you.

this learning is not only about you, it is about me too

let's improve. i hope Allah will help all of us, the teachers, the students and the parent & society to be better

ameeeen

p/s: i hope i don't sound like a year 1 little girl or a kindie going to school. :)

beauty

In the life where beauty is set as thin, being normal seems ugly :)

please, don't make people feel that. It is sinful to lie and destroy the confidence

:(

don't give up

O Allah, please! save them as the way You have saved me

let them see You, O Allah, the Almighty who forgives almost everything

O Allah, please let them know that everything is possible when they are sincere 

"Katakanlah "wahai hamba-hambaKu yang melampau batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri! Janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa semuanya. Sungguh, Dialah Yang Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang"

Az-Zumar:53

"dan (juga) orang-orang yg apabila mengerjakan perbuatan keji atau menzalimi diri sendiri, (segera) mengingat Allah, lalu memohon ampunan atas dosa-dosanya, dan siapa (lagi) yang dapat mengampuni dosa-dosa selain Allah? Dan mereka tidak meneruskan perbuatan dosa itu, sedang mereka mengetahui.

Balasan bagi mereka ialah ampunan dari Tuhan mereka dan syurga-syurga yang mengalir di bawahnya sungai-sungai, mereka kekal di dalamnya. Dan itulah sebaik-baik pahala bagi orang-orang yang beramal"

Al-Imran:135-136

No matter who, Whatever sins we had committed, Just believe this

That it is very possible to turn it around and change it

cause Allah says so

DON'T GIVE UP ON OURSELVES

pasar malam

aku tahu. pasar malam atas ni bukan pasar malam kt Malaysia. aku cuma nak gambarkan perasaan aku semalam. maaf aku mmg pemalas bab ambil gambar random sekarang. :)

cuba bayangkan. dalam penuh-penuh-sesak pasar malam. ada 2 orang perempuan. seorang pegang tabung, seorang pegang poster and pamplet. jalan sampai hujung, pusing, jalan lagi smpai hujung. pusing. bagi pamplet, senyum-senyum. usha-usha minta duit. sambil jerit 

"mai, mai beli lampu tuk Palestin. sekupang boleh, dua kupang pon boleh. mai, mai derma!"

 tapi budak2 perempuan tu bukan berdua sahaja, raaamaaaaiiii lagi budak-budak perempuan-perempuan yg datang membantu. mahu meminta manusia agar celik mata isu Palestin. untuk sama-sama membantu saudara kita. dan aku belajar tentang sesuatu semalam.

the feeling and sense of rejection. i felt tremendously shy and embarrass to be honest to do it. I was not the one who could easily shout as my friend (May Allah bless her as she shouted for good cause), so it was a big deal for me to do it. and the rejection from the people had added up to it. blurrr. frustrated. feeling ignored. burden. GO AWAAAAYYY-feeling that might stir in everyone's mind had caused me a great humiliation. but then. i was paused, how about the peminta sedekah yg biasa kita tgk tepi-tepi jalan? yg org suka buat muka akan kehadirannya? apa perasaan Palestinian? when the world ignores their helpless voice and shout??? 

at least, i could say this thing would end in just a few minute, but for those people, will they know when it will end? will they be able to buy food in the next minute? will they alive after a second? 

betol.

andai anda mahu bersyukur, belajarlah melihat orang yg kurang dari anda. belajarlah untuk duduk bersama mereka dan merasa kepayahan mereka. maka anda akan berasa beruntung dengan apa yang anda punyai.

and just a light reminder for myself, just in case i refuse to this kind of job next time, 

do you know 'atiqah?

tahukah kamu orang yg mendustakan agama?

maka, itulah orang yang mengherdik anak yatim

dan tidak mendorong memberi makan orang miskin,

maka celakalah orang yg solat,

orang-orang yg lalai terhadap salatnya,

yang berbuat riya',

dan enggan memberikan bantuan.

 (al-Ma'un: 1-7)

that was the most longest of one hour i ever spent 

=.=

.May Allah forgive me for my wrong-doings and keep remind me for my illiterateness of reading Your signs.

:http://www.aqsasyarif.org.my/2012/05/projek-one-family-one-lamp/

@&%^$BB post

i am ruined for this day

bad tragedy, bad mad, bad emotion, bad thinking lead to bad sleep

i really hate when my sleep is interrupted with worldly affair

the whole dream world vanishes and shattered into pieces

terrible. and waking up is not as refreshing as i wish as a day-start

negative thinking surrounded me, the brain, and each of my action

oh i start to ruin myself

start to put myself into risk, not doing assignment, failing all the tasks of daily basis

yeah, i woke up lake today. and i have a lot of commitment today

not feeling of doing any

want to lay down and have a rest, staring ceiling all day

doing nothing but only thinking

screaming, yelling, making others feel bad

o rebellious devil-like soul, GO AWAY.

hey, i am in lecture right now and writing this @&%^$BB post.

and reading a book 'stolen' from Tika:

chicken soup for the soul: THINK POSITIVE

.let's boost my positive thinking, praying Allah will help me.

lemah

Kadang-kala, hati ini sering-sering mengugut aku

akan janji yang ku lafazkan saat aku terumbang-ambing

aku berjanji dgn DIA

akan lebih menumpahkan taat setia

akan lebih jujur saat jiwa berbicara iman

akan lebih ikhlas utk turun ke medan jihad

untuk lebih bersedia menjalan tugas hamba

.lesu.

.kecewa.

'hey atiqah. mana pergi janjimu? mahu dia menarik kembali anugrahNya?'

bukankah cabaran itu santapan jiwa pendekar?

mana mungkin si penakut mampu berdiri di barisan hadapan

mana mungkin andai kau sering-sering menolak peluang

mana mungkin andai kau menidak kebolehan

astaghfirullah

.berikanlah aku kekuatan.

'Ya Allah, berikanlah kami,

 iman yang sebenarnya sehingga kami tidak lagi gentar atau mengharap org lain selain Engkau sendiri'

lemah. x mahu aku futur dlm perjuangan ini T.T